Episode 135
Claire and James Davis:
Secrets to a Fulfilling Midlife
In this episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with Claire and James Davis, the dynamic duo behind the award-winning wellbeing company 38 degrees North, a thriving Midlife Coaching business, and co-hosts of the Midlife Mentors podcast.
Their mission is helping midlifers achieve the body, mind, and lifestyle they deserve. We delved deep into recognizing and filling the 'spiritual-shaped hole' that people often find in midlife and discussed how making small lifestyle adjustments can significantly improve one's mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
If you've ever felt like there's got to be more to life, this episode is for you!
First Aired on: Apr 15, 2024
Episode 135
Claire and James Davis:
Secrets to a Fulfilling Midlife
In this episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with Claire and James Davis, the dynamic duo behind the award-winning wellbeing company 38 degrees North, a thriving Midlife Coaching business, and co-hosts of the Midlife Mentors podcast.
Their mission is helping midlifers achieve the body, mind, and lifestyle they deserve. We delved deep into recognizing and filling the 'spiritual-shaped hole' that people often find in midlife and discussed how making small lifestyle adjustments can significantly improve one's mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
If you've ever felt like there's got to be more to life, this episode is for you!
First Aired on: Apr 15, 2024
Table of Contents:
In this episode:
Personal Journey and Midlife Mentorship
- Backgrounds: Claire and James share their journey starting from individual pursuits to coming together to address midlife health and happiness.
- Transition to Midlife: They discuss the challenges their peers face at midlife and how these can be opportunities for growth and joy rather than decline.
Approaching Midlife Challenges
- Identity and Value Shifts: The conversation highlighted the transition of identity and how values evolve as one enters midlife, influencing self-perception.
- Physical and Psychological Health: The relationship between midlife health, such as weight management, and psychological well-being.
Health in Today’s Age
- Diet and Exercise: Claire and James emphasize the need for a healthy diet free from sugar and ultra-processed foods and the benefit of regular movement for a holistic approach to midlife wellness.
- Impact on Libido and Relationships: They touch on the challenges in relationships and intimacy that arise from hormonal changes during midlife.
Strategy for Midlife Improvement
- Gratitude Practice: The significance of cultivating a gratitude practice to build a positive mindset.
- Movement as Medicine: Encouraging movement not as an extreme fitness regime, but as a way to connect with one’s body and improve mood.
Handling the Transformation
- Community Importance: The value of being in a supportive community and how it fosters growth and a sense of belonging.
- Professional Guidance: How seeking professional support like coaching or mentoring can accelerate personal development at midlife.
Call to Action
- Decision to Change: James emphasizes making a decisive commitment to begin the journey towards change.
- Incremental Steps: The power of small yet consistent changes and how they can collectively make significant impacts on one’s health and quality of life.
Importance of Balance
The conversation rounded off on the idea that midlife can be the best time of one’s life with the right balance of mental, physical, and emotional health, ending with a reminder of the power of today’s choices in determining future well-being.Make sure to catch the full episode and enrich your midlife journey with insights and experiences from Claire and James Davis. Join us again next week for another inspiring episode!
Other Resources:
Connect with Claire and James Davis
Episode Transcript
Claire & James Davis:[Page//00:00:00] I think we as human beings, we have those three basic needs to be seen, to be heard and to matter and I think we can get to this stage of our life and realize that there's that, spiritual shaped hole. within us that we've been trying to fill with our busy schedules, our relationships, all these external things.
Claire & James Davis: And then, you're like, hang on a minute why are those things not making me happy anymore?
Julie Michelson: Welcome [Page//00:01:00] back to the inspire living with autoimmunity podcast. I'm your host, Julie Michelson. And today we are joined by Claire and James Davis, the husband and wife team behind the multi award winning wellbeing company, 38 degrees North and thriving midlife coaching business, the midlife mentors. And they also co host the midlife mentors podcast.
Julie Michelson: Their passion is helping midlifers achieve the body, mind, and lifestyle they deserve. In today's conversation, we're talking about the common challenges for midlifers, and how we can shift from feeling stuck and alone to making midlife the best time.
Julie Michelson: Claire and James, welcome to the podcast.
Claire & James Davis: Oh, thank you for having us. Hello. Glad to be here.
Julie Michelson: I'm so excited. We've already been laughing because now I have a glow. We've already been giggling. This is going to be such a fun conversation. Um, and you know, as a 54 [Page//00:02:00] year old, 55 next month, um, what you guys are doing is, is so important and so needed. Um, so, but I love talking about learning a little more.
Julie Michelson: How did you guys become the midlife mentors?
Claire & James Davis: Do you want to start Mr. D? Yes. So I guess it started when, um, I back in 2011 left London to move to Ibiza, which is a small island in the Mediterranean, uh, with the idea of setting up kind of wellness retreats, fitness retreats, but changing the model it was around in those days, it was kind of like, we'll take people away, we'll feed them beans and rice and work them out really hard.
Claire & James Davis: So they lose loads of weight. And I was like, Yeah, let's actually get people away, put them in really great five star hotels. They got spa, luxury treatments. Yes. We'll have healthy food, but also, you know, if they want to go and have a cocktail, that's fine too. And we're really focused on giving them the tools that will empower them.
Claire & James Davis: So my background originally was like psychology. So, you know, what are your beliefs holding you back? [Page//00:03:00] Let's coach them on nutrition, all these things. So you're going away with complete set of tools. I grew that business and Claire and I got together. And I think. As we aged and hit that, so I'm 51 now, um, we started to see so many of our friends be like, oh, you know, midlife, it's the beginning of the end, I've just got to accept expanding waistline, low energy levels, libido shot, all the rest of it.
Claire & James Davis: I'm like, no, listen, it doesn't have to be this way. Like, there's so much we can be doing with lifestyle adjustments to make it the best, best time of your life, you know? So, We started our podcast in 2019, which was just us kind of talking about anything, midlife health and happiness, then getting guests on.
Claire & James Davis: And then off the back of that, we started to run a program that we take people through. So we've got an eight week program. We take people through called the midlife reset. There's really about. Mind, body, soul. So a full holistic approach, you know, because we're, we're interconnected beings. We don't realize, you know, what we eat will have a direct effect on our mood and vice versa.
Claire & James Davis: So that's where, that's really where we are. That's the story of how we [Page//00:04:00] started The Mentors. It started as a podcast, just from a kind of seeing a need amongst, I guess, our peer group. And then, and then from there.
Julie Michelson: I love that. That's, and it is, there is such a need and you're right. I hear it too. Even outside of, of course, people coming to work with me, you know, usually have had autoimmune conditions for a long time. And so they already have a little bit of that attitude. Um, but even you're right among my healthy friends, it's like, no, there are choices we can do this differently. So, yeah.
Claire & James Davis: I think it's so important in today's age as well. So I don't know, like over here in the UK, we just had some new health figures. So I think the population of the UK is around 66, 67 million. Now, 7 million are obese and 16. 8 are classed as overweight. I mean, we have, we have a real epidemic problem. I mean, of course, that's across all age
Julie Michelson: Trying to catch up with the U. S.
Claire & James Davis: the US, right?
Julie Michelson: Sad.
Claire & James Davis: I know it's [Page//00:05:00] sad because it's it's preventable right with some easy lifestyle adjustments if we get to midlife and we're carrying like a lot of excess weight, of course that's going to negatively impact our physical health but it's going to have an impact on our psychological health as well it's going to interrupt you know our hormone pathways or the rest of it all the stuff you know and I think it's just showing people that there are things you can do to That don't involve like a complete change in lifestyle and you know, going away and just eating quinoa and drinking water, you know, it's possible to have balance and joy in your life and be healthy.
Julie Michelson: I love that. That's so what I want to talk about this idea of joy because it breaks my heart. I, I could not agree with you more. We are whole humans, right? People come to me and they're like, just tell me what to eat to feel better. Like, oh, warning. We have so much more work to do than that. Um, but. I find, and do you think this is a kind of a midlife issue, [Page//00:06:00] this lack of joy?
Julie Michelson: I ask my, my clients, what do you do for joy? And they glaze over like it's so far in the past. They don't even remember. And these are people that, you know, they're not even old. Like, um, is that a, is that a really common midlife challenge?
Claire & James Davis: Absolutely. It's, and it's actually, it's the one I suppose that we find like the saddest really, because It's almost like we need to learn how to be happy again. It's almost like it's a skill that we've lost. Um, and a habit, like happiness actually needs to start becoming a habit almost because I think we've had layers and layers of like disappointment, loss, grief, betrayal, all these things.
Claire & James Davis: And so, you know, as we know, like our subconscious mind goes into like a protective mode. And, And we shut down certain [Page//00:07:00] emotions because we don't want to feel that pain, that disappointment or whatever. Yeah, like we protect ourselves, but we can't kind of shut out emotions necessarily in isolation. And what seems to happen is that we shut out our ability to be happy and feel and experience joy.
Claire & James Davis: And There's a lot entangled in that, like a lack of self belief, a fear of failure. You know, I don't even want to go out and see what I might like that gives me an experience of joy. You're trying something new, meeting new people, have, you know, new hobbies and things that might give me joy because what if that doesn't work?
Claire & James Davis: Disappointment. What if, um, I failed at it and, and I look stupid? So, it's, we see this all the time, that people have forgotten how to experience joy, even what that, what that even looks like. You've hit the nail completely on the head.
Julie Michelson: Yeah, and I'm with you. It is to me, it is [Page//00:08:00] the most heartbreaking, um, state really, but the good news is I love that you use the words, you know, habit and skill because yeah, I remember one of my sons when he was little, little, um, he, he had the tendency to run toward the negative, just. His natural emotional clock and I used to say to him, not even, I didn't know anything back then, but you know, sometimes good things would come out of my mouth.
Julie Michelson: And I would say, you know, it's a choice. You can wake up today and say, it's going to be a good day. You know, we can make that choice. And I love that you, we do, it's not a conscious decision to close ourselves off. And it always comes from something that served us. once or at a time that no longer serves us.
Julie Michelson: Um, and sometimes you must see this a lot too. It's really just the, I've been taking care of everybody else. for so long that I just [Page//00:09:00] forget. Like, I don't, I don't know. I haven't done anything for me in a really long time.
Claire & James Davis: hmm. And it's frightening. It can actually be quite frightening. So actually when you're asked that question, what brings you joy? It's almost like, because you have prioritized everyone else and everything else above yourself, it's almost like, well, what, it's almost, uh, yeah, frightening to your own self identity, because we've put so many, Um, values on maybe our career, being a parent, being a partner, you know, all of these identities.
Claire & James Davis: And then when we do get to this stage in life, our identity, our value shift from what we had in our twenties and thirties, our values very, very much shift what we deem as important shifts. And so I think also our sense of self identity can. shift as well. And that we find that frightening what we used to experience joy from doesn't necessarily light us up anymore because our [Page//00:10:00] values have changed.
Claire & James Davis: And then what am I, what am I, who am I? And some people don't even want to tackle those questions. Like they'll just keep going into default behaviors. To escape even thinking about these big questions. That's where kind of like addictions happen and, you know, um, emotional eating, all that kind of stuff.
Julie Michelson: It's so true. I could even feel the weight of that. And I have, I'm so blessed. I have so much joy in my life. But it is, there is this weight of, we, again, it's choice, right? It, we can get overwhelmed by this opportunity of like, I know I'm not that person anymore. Who am I? Who do I want to be? Can be overwhelming, but it can also be exciting.
Claire & James Davis: Yes.
Julie Michelson: And in my experience, you know, combined with I used to be really ill. So my thirties, my forties, you know, I didn't think I'd live to see my fifties physically, spiritually, emotionally, all the things I'm so much [Page//00:11:00] healthier now than I was back then, which also includes, I have joy in my days, in my weeks, in my life.
Julie Michelson: Um, but so there's this choice of, you know, ooh, but you said it, it's like, it's like a big, it's a big thing when you have that moment and you realize, I don't even know who I am. I, I see it a lot with women. So James, I'm going to ask you, not personally, I can tell, I know where you are. You're in, you're in this good, happy, healthy space.
Julie Michelson: Um, do men, because I know with women, you know, often they've, you know, put careers aside, their home, they're raising kids. We all have different stories or reasons, right. But, but so much that taking care of the family is a part of lost identity, but I'm guessing men have it too, because so many are working jobs, to work jobs and they're not fulfilling their passions.[Page//00:12:00]
Claire & James Davis: Absolutely. You know, I think we underestimate just the magnitude of the, of the transition of midlife, you know, um, a lot of elements coming together all at once. Obviously hormones, you know, women are going through the perimenopause, the menopause. Men might be starting to feel the effects of low testosterone now.
Claire & James Davis: On top of that, you know, we've got career struggles. Maybe our kids are like reaching that point where they're leaving home, but now our parents are like getting more frail. All these things. I think for men, it's interesting. The men that I work with, I kind of fall in one of two ways. One is like, um, I think at midlife, it's a natural time to reflect and look back.
Claire & James Davis: And it's like, Oh, I haven't, it's not what I imagined. It's like, I haven't got where I wanted to. And you start thinking about the missed opportunity. It can be easy to fall into that backwards thinking about, I've somehow failed. Which can lead to that crisis and identity on the other end, but actually the end results the same.
Claire & James Davis: You've got people who have strived, you know, materially, maybe they have it all and they're just like, I don't even want this. I don't, [Page//00:13:00] what, I've spent all these years working for this stuff and it doesn't make me happy and I feel distant from my, my wife and my family because I've put all my hours into work.
Claire & James Davis: So I think men in particular, they are, their identity can become very wrapped up in their, in their job, in their career. And I'd say a big difference between the genders is that men tend to internalize it a lot. So it's this thing of like, I'm just gonna keep it quiet. I don't want to talk about it.
Claire & James Davis: Whereas I think women are a lot more open about kind of talking about their feelings, their emotions, and having that support network around them, which I think can be lacking for men.
Julie Michelson: So true. And again, but both you reach this point and there's that I'd hate to use the word I'll say identity question. It doesn't have to be a crisis, but question on both sides that can be really overwhelming.
Claire & James Davis: Yeah. And a lot of the time we see we have quite a lot of couples do our programs or come to our retreats and things. And actually part of [Page//00:14:00] part of what we talk to people about is that communication in relationships because we have got, these are really, really pivotal transitional points in our life. Um, and actually.
Claire & James Davis: Communicating is really, really important because the woman is going through all these hormonal changes. The man is going through all these hormonal changes, which affects obviously physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing, and it, and actually it's an educational piece we do. And we also go into organizations like corporates and talk to men and women about this in the workplace.
Claire & James Davis: But actually we realize that it really benefits them from going home and understanding like their partners, because. Because you're like, oh, okay, you're my, I'm feeling like this. You're maybe feeling like this or opening up those channels of communication because we understand we're empowered with information.
Claire & James Davis: And a lot of the time we can feel very alone. We feel very, very isolated, very isolated. Even if we've got our children around us, we've got our partners around us. [Page//00:15:00] We still feel very, very isolated. So being able to understand that even your partner might be going through this, that and the other. Um, you know, hopefully with some of the tools that we give them brings, brings that communication into the open a little bit more.
Julie Michelson: I love that. That's so important. I was thinking about, um, yes, men tend to internalize and they're not going to talk about, you know, Oh my gosh, you know, what you're going through hormonally is, you know, hurting me emotionally. Um, I'm thinking of a client I have and his wife is, she's not, she's like perimenopause, but things are shifting a little bit.
Julie Michelson: And if they didn't. Talk about it. Um, which they didn't for a little bit. And then finally she came, she came to him and said, look, this is what's going on in my body. He was taking her changes [Page//00:16:00] personally because he could feel the shift in the relationship. And he was thinking, I must be doing something wrong, you know, She's just not that into me anymore.
Julie Michelson: Um, you know, what's going on. And, and so, and, and most men, you're right, aren't going to sit their wife down and say, Hey, you know, and you have to be careful to be frank with a woman whose hormones are changing what you say to her and how you address it. Right.
Claire & James Davis: Exactly. Well, we talk a lot about libido as well. And that's a natural thing for men and women. It's, it's, uh, and again, I think men particularly, it really. It's, it's interesting, isn't it? Because as a woman, I can see how like that really affects us. But for men, like a lot of their identity, talking about identity again, their masculinity is wrapped up in their sexuality.
Claire & James Davis: Um, more, more I would say than us women and generalization there. But so, so again, talking about that, because they don't really talk anyway, talking about that, [Page//00:17:00] is, is even harder, you know, talking about libido, sexuality, all of that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's can be a melting pot, but hopefully the more conversations we have like this, help people navigate those conversations a little bit better.
Julie Michelson: Yeah. And even just start a conversation even. So, but I love that you're working with, you know, often with couples together because I, you know, we see it even at the clinic with, in the supporting hormones, it's like, well, if one part of the couple's getting supported and one part's not, out of balance.
Julie Michelson: Right. That does not make things better.
Claire & James Davis: What's that going to look like?
Julie Michelson: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Often, you know, the men tend to like it when the, when the women are being supported in general. But these days, I mean, testosterone levels are really challenged even in younger men.
Claire & James Davis: I mean, we've got a crisis. Um, I think I'm right in saying that the [Page//00:18:00] sperm count in the Western world is decreasing all the time as is like fertility levels of that sperm testosterone levels are lower. You know, I read, read some research, you know, like if you took, um, 20 year old man from today and a 20 year old man from 100 years ago, like the 100 year ago, testosterone would be way higher.
Claire & James Davis: So, this is a problem of, um, you know, a lot of pollutants in our environment, um, chemicals, potentially more oestrogen from use of, you know, oral contraceptives, and getting into our water supplies, the foods we're eating as well, you know, ultra processed foods, all these having effects on hormone pathways.
Claire & James Davis: Um, Yeah. It's a, it's a sticky one. Cause we know, you know, if we know that testosterone is going to decline with age anyway for men, if we, if the starting point is getting lower and lower, then, you know, there's a problem coming down the line for sure. And I think we're seeing that. I think I'm right in saying across the Western world, like fertility rates are falling generally, and people are finding it harder and harder to conceive.
Julie Michelson:[Page//00:19:00] Absolutely. And, and, you know, the, at least over here, the, the truck, one of the added troubles to that. And I know we're talking about a little bit younger population, but when often when couples are having fertility challenges, you know, unless they've had, you know, many miscarriages, many losses, things like that, it takes a really long time for any, any physician to even say, Let's check the man, right?
Julie Michelson: Like it's, it's this process of, um, but it really does lead to when we get to midlife testosterone levels, or I've had a couple of male clients that when I first met them, um, and they were good sports, cause I don't have a good filter, you know, they had lower testosterone and higher estrogen than me.
Claire & James Davis: Wow. Yeah.
Julie Michelson: Like how do they even get out of bed in the morning, you know, um, and, and it's just for all those reasons that you said between the toxins, the food system, the estrogens, I mean, and [Page//00:20:00] then with the obesity epidemic,
Claire & James Davis: Yes.
Julie Michelson: cells are making estrogens.
Julie Michelson: Like, it's, it's just working against us. Yeah. So, so that's the physical, I want to kind of shift back to spiritual, emotional, psychological. Um, because I think that again, it's, it's all about empowerment, right? And, and you guys aren't just saying, here's a really common problem. You have solutions, you help people, you know, shift their mindset and, and, you know, Um,
Claire & James Davis: absolutely. And I, I think anything that James and I ever do, um, ever have done or ever will do together has to have that an element of spirituality, actually, because I think, I think we as human beings, we have those three basic needs to be seen, to be [Page//00:21:00] heard and to matter like that. We want to be seen.
Claire & James Davis: We want to be heard. We want to be important, we want to, we want to matter and I, and I think we can get to this stage of our life and realize that there's that, you know, um, spiritual shaped hole. within us that we've been trying to fill with our busy schedules, our relationships, all these external things.
Claire & James Davis: And then, you know, in our experience and this has happened to me as well, you get to a certain point, you're like, hang on a minute, I need, I need to ask what's really, really going on here. Like what, why are those things not making me happy anymore? Like there's, there's Something I'm missing internally, like that, that joy, that happiness, that peace, that gratitude, that contentment, that.
Claire & James Davis: That I need to find within myself rather than outwardly facing all the time. And, and so it's even about having those conversations that they're completely okay, that that's completely normal. [Page//00:22:00] Um, but also that mindset piece, you know, James and I both have like that psychology background. and helping people understand that their personality, their beliefs, their behaviors aren't fixed.
Claire & James Davis: You know, we have neural pathways that can be reprogrammed. We can build new neural pathways. We can actually take our thoughts. We can be curious. We can hold them captive. We can be curious about those thoughts and work out what we would like to think instead. And it's about having The daily tools and the daily strategies, really, to be able to empower people to do that.
Claire & James Davis: I think that's so important. Yes.
Julie Michelson: I love that you said that that's always my, you know, again, back to the disclaimer of like, we're not just going to be talking about what you think we're going to be talking about. Um, because people don't even notice their thoughts. So I love, you know, I love that you're saying, no, actually we can hold them.
Julie Michelson: We can get curious and we can decide.
Claire & James Davis: Yes.[Page//00:23:00]
Julie Michelson: change.
Claire & James Davis: Yeah. Absolutely. It's being aware of it. So I think, you know, people reach this midlife and if they're, if they're not really aware of what's going on, it's easy just to be like, I just feel stuck. Like I don't even know what's going on and that can be a very disempowering place. But once you can actually step back and go, Oh, you know what?
Claire & James Davis: Actually you're right. My beliefs, my thoughts aren't real things, they're mini constructs and I have the power to change them. I can decide like, you know, you said to your son, I can decide to get up today is going to be a good day, not a bad day. And you can go into that energy for the day. It's showing people how they can just make these small, multiple tweaks.
Claire & James Davis: Because I think, this is the thing, right? Everyone's going, what's that one big thing that's going to change everything? What's that
Julie Michelson: Well, that's the magic pill mentality
Claire & James Davis: pill!
Julie Michelson: all been trained to look for, right?
Claire & James Davis: Yes. It's not. It's actually like a culmination of lots of small changes, right? Change that habit about your thinking.
Claire & James Davis: Get up and do your gratitude list. Just start to eat a little bit more healthily. Over time, those incremental changes will really stack up to a big transformation. Mmm.
Julie Michelson: I [Page//00:24:00] love that. I have to ask because I'm so curious, even though I just said, you know, it's, it's not all about the food. It's not, it's not all about any one piece again, because we are just integrated, beautiful beings. Let's talk a minute about food. I know, you know, you guys have been in the health space a long time, but as it relates to kind of mood and mindset, are there foods that you feel people should be avoiding or should be including
Claire & James Davis: Yeah, 100%. I'll give you that. The first one, the thing we should be avoiding is sugar. And obviously we don't mean natural sugars, but you know, all the processed, all the processed food that we have with all the sugar in it, we know that that causes inflammation in the gut. Our gut is linked to how we feel.
Claire & James Davis: It's our mood. It's where our serotonin, exactly. It's, it's, It's, it's so gut healthy, so linked to our brain and how we feel. We know that sugar creates [Page//00:25:00] inflammation in the body, in the brain. Um, and we know it affects the hormone pathway. We know that actually it causes all sorts of illnesses, issues, autoimmune, it affects autoimmune disease.
Claire & James Davis: It's everything.
Julie Michelson: not a chronic
Julie Michelson: condition out there that doesn't. Get impacted by
Claire & James Davis: And we, we were all so obsessed with fat, so obsessed with fat in the 70s and 80s, you know, but actually what we should have really been looking at for all this time is sugar in our diet. So, It absolutely does relate to our ability to change our mental resilience.
Claire & James Davis: You know, if we're stuffing our faces full of sugar, we are not going to be able to cope with stress. It increases, obviously, cortisol as well. Our stress hormone has a negative impact on that. So, We're not going to be able to mentally cope with the life's challenges if we're eating too much sugar and we're drinking too much alcohol.
Claire & James Davis: Yeah, I would say the other, the other food, of course, [Page//00:26:00] like, and it's becoming more and more prevalent in our food chain is ultra processed foods. I was reading some new research just this morning. I might get the numbers slightly wrong on this, but I think it was a survey of like 10 million respondents and identified 32 different negative health impacts of ultra processed foods.
Claire & James Davis: So, you
Julie Michelson: at least
Claire & James Davis: At least, these are foods that have gone through, you know, multiple processes, have
Claire & James Davis: lots
Julie Michelson: not, yeah, they're not even foods anymore. They're, and
Claire & James Davis: me, let me,
Julie Michelson: you know, when we talk like foods and toxins and, and unless you're eating whole real food, like you can't even separate the two because you put some of that junk in your body and your body is literally thinking it's fighting toxins.
Julie Michelson: It doesn't identify it as
Claire & James Davis: exactly, but But people are unaware, right? They just see a new thing on the shelf in the supermarket and they're like, Oh, great. Oh, oh, that was very tasty. Oh, I only meant to have one, but I ate three. Um, I'll get that next
Claire & James Davis: week as well.
Julie Michelson: they intentionally, chemically make it addictive so you'll eat more.
Claire & James Davis:[Page//00:27:00] sugar, you know, the stuff we're just going to keep eating it.
Claire & James Davis: We're going to keep eating it. And you know, when we're stressed, we're going to reach for more sugar. Because we want that dopamine here. And it's just this really, really vicious cycle that, so one of the first things we, we say, obviously when people are low and they're low mood, I'm like. Obviously, we haven't talked about this.
Claire & James Davis: Move your body in whatever way you can. It doesn't mean to say you have to go for a run. We don't, we're not going to ask you to go to a spin class. We're not going to ask, just go for a walk around the block. Get connected to your body. But, also, look at your nutrition. Because exercise and nutrition are the most, I think, two overlooked things with how we feel.
Claire & James Davis: Like our mental, our emotions, like how anxious we are, how depressed we are. So food, food and exercise are absolutely imperative. Pieces of the puzzle if we're, if we're feeling low at midlife.
Julie Michelson: Well, and circling [Page//00:28:00] back, and then I'm going to highlight the, the wonderful language you just used. Um, but circling back up for half a second to alcohol is a depressant. And so people don't think of it that way. You know, again, it may feel good in the moment, but if you're already low, that is not going to help.
Julie Michelson: That's going to dig you further in the hole.
Claire & James Davis: Well, it's so, it's so interesting. It's so, uh, I think culturally ingrained, right? If you watch any, uh, movie or TV show, it's like, Oh, you know, or something bad's happened. Let's have a drink to kind of get, Oh, we're celebrating the drink. That message is hammered continuously. And, you know, and we know human beings, we're basically dopamine addicts.
Claire & James Davis: We're always chasing the next dopamine. And alcohol gives you that, gives that short hit, then you're right, complete depressant. And people are like, oh, you know, I have a glass of wine at night to help me sleep. It's not helping you sleep. It's giving you interrupted sleep. So, you know, educate people so they can understand, um, but when [Page//00:29:00] people don't know that, you know, you don't know what you don't know.
Claire & James Davis: So it's about giving people the tools to make these changes for themselves. And support, I would say, because, I mean, I'm, I have massive bouts of alcohol free, I'm alcohol free again at the moment, and I've always, I've never drunk a lot, but what I was finding, I started going alcohol free and, like, really reducing my alcohol about three years ago, because I was having definite hormone shifts.
Claire & James Davis: And, and I was finding when I was drinking alcohol the next morning, I was really low. But like, noticeably anxious or low. And I was like Yeah, anxiety. And so, so I had this feeling, like, hang on a minute, this is This is not good for my, my mental health, my spiritual health, you know, like being able to connect with joy, actually, like that, that became a blocker for me.
Claire & James Davis: So I really reduced my alcohol intake and it's made a massive, massive difference to my life. Huge.
Julie Michelson: I love that, but the, the big cue is [Page//00:30:00] you were listening to your body, right? Like that's the key is, and you were already living this beautifully healthy lifestyle. So when we've got, and when we're eating ultra processed foods, when we're eating a lot of sugar, when we're not sleeping well, when we're drinking alcohol, sometimes you can't I don't necessarily feel any impact that one or the other is having.
Julie Michelson: So I just want listeners to be like, well, I don't feel that I just, well, it could be because you know, when we have so many inflammatory inputs, it's hard to discern. But that first step is just like with your thoughts is listening to your body. So, and I, I do want to circle back and commend you for using, using the word move and movement, um, because I am just like you, I support, you know, people think, oh, I have to do CrossFit or I have to, you know, run a triathlon or no.
Julie Michelson: And, and most listeners that, you know, really shouldn't be [Page//00:31:00] doing any of those things right now. That's not how we start. Um, so yeah, just move.
Claire & James Davis: movement. And here's the thing as well, we have to remember, I always get really hung up on the cultural history of where we're at, you know, 250, 300 years ago, we're just having the agricultural revolution. Before that, you know, We lived in small communities, we're very close, we're probably like working the majority of the time on our feet.
Claire & James Davis: Even post agricultural revolution that allowed enough food to be available from less people, so people go to the cities for the industrial revolution. Still, you know, it's probably only recently in the last less than 50 years, The majority of people aren't doing hard, manual work all day long. We've shifted to a sedentary lifestyle, but our bodies are adapted for that.
Claire & James Davis: We're designed to be up and moving for most of the hours of the day, not like just sat down in a chair. And so, yeah, I think that's something that we really help our clients with, is actually helping them realize that it's not, it doesn't, you don't need to go to a gym. You have to like lift [Page//00:32:00] heavy weights.
Claire & James Davis: You don't have to like do CrossFit or crazy things like that. It's actually just becoming aware of your body and getting those endorphins, those, uh. Like let's, let's move, let's move into our body. Let's reconnect with our body and get the benefits, not just physically, but mentally as well.
Julie Michelson: I love that. And if you can move outside, you know, then you're stacking. So, right. You're just getting, but I did, we, we joke. So I'm an equestrian. I have horses at home and we joke that that's the original CrossFit, you know, you're moving hay, but you're always doing something. And I noticed that the days where I'm working from home.
Julie Michelson: I get just naturally without thinking about it more steps because I'm, you know, running out to throw lunch for the, I'm just on the property doing things in between work versus the days that I work at the clinic, it's like, Oh, I better move my body when I get home because I wasn't moving enough today.[Page//00:33:00]
Claire & James Davis: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Julie Michelson: Yeah, that's, that's so incredible. So back again to spirituality, mindset, any, any of the, the non, because listeners, you know, they, they've heard the things before they know, you know, healthy foods and, but it, it, again, I wanted to touch on it anyway and see your approach because, um, it is important that we remember not, we can't just take care of one of these aspects. Um, where, where does somebody start and, and maybe somebody, you know, if you have advice for someone who maybe isn't, you know, isn't in a relationship, you know, something that would work in a relationship or, or not, if they're like, wow, this is me, you know, I don't have the joy. I thought that was just because I've been sick, but maybe it's not.
Julie Michelson: Maybe it is because I, I don't know who I am anymore. Where do you have people [Page//00:34:00] start?
Claire & James Davis: you want me to? Yeah. I mean, I would say, um, honestly, it's about, well, first of all, I think it is so, so important. It's the most important thing is to be in a container or community of like minded people. So actually have support, get support, reach out. And I don't mean necessarily paid. I mean, like there are groups, there are.
Claire & James Davis: There are buddies that we can hook up with all of that kind of stuff that are with like minded people, but having that having that connection with people that have actually got some experience in this area, or, you know, either a coach or mentor, I think being in community because we feel so isolated in those feelings.
Claire & James Davis: And we can feel so alone actually being with other midlifers, for example, is really inspiring because A lot of the time we don't believe change is possible for ourselves, but once we can see it in other people, we think, hang on a minute, they model [Page//00:35:00] it for us. So I think that's where we'd start. But honestly, I would say if we, if we are feeling really, really stuck in our lives, I do think moving, moving our body a little bit, I honestly would say, Like respecting our body by just moving it a little bit better, fueling it better, because I've been in this position before myself where I was doing like all the spirituality stuff, I was doing all the mindset stuff, but I was treating my body like junk.
Claire & James Davis: So actually being able to make small incremental steps to move in your body, getting your nutrition a little bit more under control. And actually even like just starting a gratitude list or just start thinking about what you do have rather than what you don't have, getting off your phone, stop scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to everyone else.
Claire & James Davis: You know, maybe try a new, a new hobby or something like that. But just. Don't think that we have to go, um, you know, hell for leather and change loads and loads of [Page//00:36:00] things. It could be just adding a walking to your day and adding, uh, more water into your day, but doing things in incremental steps. Um, that will start opening up.
Claire & James Davis: So if you're like, Oh, I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, rather than tackling that question head on and getting really obsessed with it, just start looking after yourself in other areas first, because that's going to open up that self respect and that self love. actually, when we look after ourselves and the body that we've been given, naturally we start to, to enjoy ourselves a little bit more.
Claire & James Davis: Does that make sense?
Julie Michelson: It makes huge sense. I'm over here nodding and nodding because I'm like, Oh, she's sneaky. She's getting you to create new neural pathways. And you're not even actually working on that actively. Right. The gratitude journal is huge. I think for any, I agree. Um, I, I, listeners are pretty familiar with how I approach that.
Julie Michelson: What, what do [Page//00:37:00] you. Tell people, you know, how to do a gratitude journal. Does it need to be a half hour of free journaling a day?
Claire & James Davis: No, I think we live, we live in ages. So many influence out there, aren't they going, Oh, this is my morning routine. And it's like, it's eight
Julie Michelson: Five hours, right?
Claire & James Davis: Yeah, I say it's not really simple, you know, take the time you need to take, but I say it can be done as little as five minutes, right? Um, I think the really important thing is to actually make sure you're feeling that emotion of gratitude.
Claire & James Davis: Feeling it. I'm pretty simple, I like three things you're grateful for from from yesterday, things for you're grateful for in general. So it might be yesterday, it might be like, Oh, you know, uh, had a great conversation with the guy at the coffee shop, um, saw a lovely sunset, you know, in things in Drake, Oh, I've got my health.
Claire & James Davis: And then I was finished like by setting an intention for the day. So it's like three things, three things intention for the day. And that's really simple to do and doesn't take that long, but you know, again, if you do that [Page//00:38:00] every day after 10, 14 days, you will start to feel a difference in your life for sure.
Claire & James Davis: Yeah. And it is about that feeling. So people just, um, go, Oh, I'll just do a gratitude list. And they're like, why aren't I, why aren't I getting anything from this?
Julie Michelson: Right, I've been
Claire & James Davis: writing, yeah, you're writing my children. Okay. Yeah. But what, what is it about your children? How do you feel about that when you think about them right now?
Claire & James Davis: Um, You know,
Julie Michelson: goes back to the very beginning of the conversation of out of protection over time, we close off.
Claire & James Davis: yes,
Julie Michelson: And the healing comes from the feeling. It just does. It really does. So I, I'm so excited that you made sure to highlight that, you know, it's not just writing. Um, and it doesn't have to be, I have, you know, I, I'm guessing you, you guys see the same thing.
Julie Michelson: Almost every client. No, I'm going to say every client that comes through my doors is a perfectionist in some way,
Claire & James Davis: I knew you were going to say that I knew [Page//00:39:00] you were going to
Julie Michelson: yeah.
Claire & James Davis: Yeah.
Julie Michelson: And, and, you know, so I want to say it doesn't need to be your Deepest conversation with God. It doesn't need to be the things that you are the most. It, it could be, you know, I saw a beautiful flower or a butterfly passed me, whatever sparked you.
Julie Michelson: And you can just get back to that feeling. That's the key. And I wanted to add that because it always, it's always really interesting to me how being a perfectionist can block you from just doing the thing. Right.
Claire & James Davis: A hundred percent. I just want to add to that. It's a really good point. But I also say like, then take the opportunity in the day to actually let yourself feel like that. Because we don't. We go through the day taking things for granted. Someone like smiles and says hello to you in the street that you don't really know.
Claire & James Davis: They're like, Hi, good morning. Yeah, but if you go, oh, if you let yourself feel the gratitude for them having said that, even the smallest things, and you continually do that through the day, that will make a [Page//00:40:00] difference as well. It's about allowing yourself to experience it. It's the red car theory, isn't it?
Claire & James Davis: You know, if you, if you see, I always say gratitude is like a red car theory. So if you say, um, notice all the red cars, all of a sudden, all you can see is red cars. If you're actually grateful and you start looking for things to be grateful for, the more you see. It's energetically, that's, that you start building up this, this energy of gratitude where you see more things.
Claire & James Davis: You're, it's a manifestation basically, more things to be grateful for. And it's, it's so beautiful when that happens.
Julie Michelson: It really is. And to go back to one small step at a time, starting with the journal and feeling when you're writing in the journal will naturally lead to what James was saying about taking that half a moment to actually feel it throughout the day. Um, because that, and that is the red car theory.
Julie Michelson: It just, you know, um, You [Page//00:41:00] attract what you're, what you're putting out and what you're looking for. And so when you're walking around, again, it's about opening your heart. Absolutely.
Claire & James Davis: absolutely. And it's so lovely when you start noticing those things and you're kind of like, yeah, all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I can be grateful for that. Or someone walks past and they smile at you and you're grateful for that. And it's all these, yeah, it's, it is about opening up your heart and, and, you know, energy attracting like energy.
Claire & James Davis: It's, it's an
Claire & James Davis: opportunity.
Julie Michelson: you become that contribution for the other part, right? So then you're smiling at people or you're saying hello first, because you're there, you're not shut down and just in your head, you're actually experiencing life as we were meant to.
Claire & James Davis: Yes, exactly. Love that.
Julie Michelson: I love that. Tell me a little bit more about, and I'm guessing this is why you have a group program, you know, a group program. We talked about the importance of community and I do want to highlight, it doesn't mean go sit on the couch [Page//00:42:00] next to your sad sack friend. Who's in the same position you are. You want up leveled community.
Julie Michelson: You want to find the people who are, you know, just rocking midlife.
Claire & James Davis: Yes. Elevating.
Julie Michelson: Yes. Yes. Um, so I, I wanted to, I was thinking about that before, but tell me how are you working internationally? How are you guys working with people?
Claire & James Davis: Yeah. So we have our eight week program called the Midlife Reset and we have our own app. So it is like basically effectively like having us in your pocket, right? So everything's scheduled in there, but everything's also on demand. So you've got your movement plan. It's uh, eight weeks nutritional coaching.
Claire & James Davis: You've got weekly mindset modules. Look at things like, you know, what are your beliefs? How are we gonna change those? And then we support that where there's a call every week, which is hot seat coaching. And we do one in the evening, UK time, one at lunchtime, UK time. So it's catering for different time zones.
Claire & James Davis: But we've got people in the US. Yes, we have people in the US, people in Australia, people all around [Page//00:43:00] Europe. And then, uh, we have a private Facebook group. It's only people that are going through or have been through the program where, you know, we're hanging out there all the time. It's where everyone like, Shares any issues, posts their wins, um, just a, just a great community.
Claire & James Davis: Shares recipes. Yeah, it's just a great place. So it brings people together in a really nice way. And you have to get that, that touch point with us every week as well. And with other people who are going through the same process. And it's amazing, you know, You get people who are shy and they may not, but they'll hear someone ask the question they wanna ask and they hear the answer, so then they open up over time.
Claire & James Davis: It's really nice to see that. It's also about that accountability. 'cause I always find it's, it's accountability. You know, it's meek. We, we procrastinate, we, we a, a perfectionist, right? Yes.
Julie Michelson: predisposition for procrastination. I was like, Oh, look at that.
Claire & James Davis: exactly. So,
Julie Michelson: we have a job, right? If somebody, if the knowledge was enough that, you
Claire & James Davis:[Page//00:44:00] exactly. It's exactly that. And I think it can be super overwhelming. There is so much noise out there, so much conflicting information. And actually just having that step by step process that we take people through so they don't have to think. They're like, okay, I'm going to trust the process. Because we're too busy to think, actually.
Claire & James Davis: We don't want to keep thinking because it's too overwhelming. So just getting in and doing the process. And having that schedule, that accountability. Because otherwise we're going to make our own excuses all the time
Julie Michelson: And they're always good.
Claire & James Davis: yes, but psychologically there is something about not wanting to let other people down or not wanting to see that in yourself.
Claire & James Davis: So that's why it's so important that we're part of mastermind groups. We have our own coaches and mentors because, you know, they, when you say, Oh, I can't be bothered. You're like, actually, someone's checking on me.
Julie Michelson: They're going to ask.
Claire & James Davis: yeah, they're going to ask
Julie Michelson: it works. It's
Claire & James Davis: It works every single time and then obviously we have our retreats as well where people can come and meet us in person and a lot of [Page//00:45:00] people that have been on our programs
Julie Michelson: Sure.
Claire & James Davis: that have met each other, they all come to our retreats, and then they meet each other at our retreats and it's really fun.
Julie Michelson: So good. And it.
Claire & James Davis: So I was gonna say we do give people an option to work with us like over 12 months as well so we like. After eight weeks is like an intensive, then they sit in the community again, weekly calls to bring in different experts. And I mean, including that opportunity to come to like day events with us as well.
Julie Michelson: So much fun. So, so, so good. And if, if you're listening to this and you're like, wow, that sounds great, but I'm not ready for it. I would say just start listening to their podcast because it's, it's such a great, you guys share such great information and, and that's a great starting point to just even just start opening up your mind to, you know, how do I even start shifting some of these things.
Claire & James Davis: And that's what we wanted to do. Like that's all we wanted to do with the podcast in 2019. We were just like, let's have fun and let's share, [Page//00:46:00] share our knowledge and hopefully inspire people that the. You know, the best is yet to come, like there, there is so much hope we can lose so much, but there is so much hope and there is so much that we can do and can take control of.
Claire & James Davis: So thank you for saying that about our podcast. That's really sweet.
Julie Michelson: Oh, well, it's a, it's a great, you know, it's again, it's a great for someone can do it even on the couch. You could do it while you're walking. That would be
Claire & James Davis: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
Julie Michelson: But wherever you know, wherever listeners are, I think that's such an easy step to, to get to know you more and, and get inspired, right? That's the reason why this is inspiring.
Julie Michelson: But inspire living with autoimmunity because we need that inspiration. And so many of us reached a point for one, whether it was autoimmunity, midlife, whatever, you know, that we lost hope. And so that's, that's the whole point is, so I love your mission.
Claire & James Davis: Oh, thank you. Thank you so, so much. [Page//00:47:00] Thank you.
Julie Michelson: So you guys are ready. I'm going to have James answer this one if he's willing. Um, and it's not an easy question, James. You've already given us so many tips and steps and ways to get started for listeners. What is one step that so you can repeat, you can pick something different. What's one step they can take starting today to improve their health, whether it's mindset, physical, whatever.
Julie Michelson: Okay.
Claire & James Davis: Well, I, I'm gonna give you two actually. And the first one is actually make geet make that first decision. Make that decision to change it. Right. And don't procrastinate. It's easy. You go, oh, okay, that sounds good. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes. It's like, I'll start tomorrow. Make decision now that I'm, I'm starting right now.
Claire & James Davis: So that's, that's tip one. Tip two, or I'm torn between the gratitude list or the movement. Um, I would, I would, I'm going to go with the gratitude list because I know Claire will come in saying start the gratitude list because if you're feeling stuck, [Page//00:48:00] uh, if you're feeling, you know, life, if you've got like anxiety, um, you know, Anxiety and gratitude are opposite emotions.
Claire & James Davis: You can't be in gratitude and feeling anxious or afraid. So start, start with the gratitude list. I love the, I love what you just said about the decision. I think, you know, um, we don't need to know the whole staircase. It's that whole thing about not needing to know the whole staircase, but just taking the step.
Claire & James Davis: And we always ask clients, you know, imagine if you'd have started on your journey six months ago. What life would look like now, and imagine what life is going to look like if you don't start on your journey in another six months, in another 12 months time, and it gives you laser focus of like, okay, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result.
Claire & James Davis: That's, you know, sadly, no one can make those decisions for you. That's a responsibility you have in yourself. We have a choice. And so, And so, yeah, love what you said. It's, it's actually about a decision, a [Page//00:49:00] decision. It
Julie Michelson: never comes. So no, no time like the present. I love that. Great. And I, I, I give you the, you know, almost, it's very rare that people say one thing. I said, it was a hard question and it's
Claire & James Davis: a hard question.
Julie Michelson: only so much to choose from. So I love that for people that are listening on the go, where's the best place to find you?
Claire & James Davis: They can go to our website, which is themidlifementors. com. And then from there they can find our podcast. They can follow us on Instagram or TikTok. TikTok's our biggest channel, which is odd. Um, but yeah, so go to our website and then they can find everything else that they need from there.
Julie Michelson: Wonderful. James and Claire, you have given us amazing gold today. I so appreciate it.
Claire & James Davis: Oh, we appreciate being here. so much. so much. so much.
Julie Michelson: For everyone listening, remember you can get the transcripts and show notes and all the links to find Claire and James by visiting [Page//00:50:00] inspiredliving. show. I hope you had a great time and enjoyed this episode as much as I did. I'll see you next week.
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My Guest For This Episode
Connect with Claire and James Davis
Claire and James Davis
The Midlife Mentors
Claire and James Davis are the husband and wife team behind the multi-award winning wellbeing company 38 Degrees North and thriving midlife coaching business, The Midlife Mentors.
The couple have a successful midlife health podcast; The Midlife Mentors (top 1.5% globally) and their passion is helping midlifers achieve the body, mind and lifestyle they deserve.
The couple’s science based approach, leveraging their backgrounds and qualifications in psychology, coaching, hormones, nutrition, personal training, stress management,
menopause and NLP, empowers individuals with the practical tools and knowledge they need to make positive, long lasting changes to their lives.
Claire & James are incredibly passionate about offering an anti-fad approach to the health and wellness narrative.
They also work with corporates including KPMG & CitiBank and are regular press commentators.
The couple have a successful midlife health podcast; The Midlife Mentors (top 1.5% globally) and their passion is helping midlifers achieve the body, mind and lifestyle they deserve.
The couple’s science based approach, leveraging their backgrounds and qualifications in psychology, coaching, hormones, nutrition, personal training, stress management,
menopause and NLP, empowers individuals with the practical tools and knowledge they need to make positive, long lasting changes to their lives.
Claire & James are incredibly passionate about offering an anti-fad approach to the health and wellness narrative.
They also work with corporates including KPMG & CitiBank and are regular press commentators.
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