Episode 59
Table of Contents:
In this episode:
Monica Cox is a top Holistic Functional Fertility Coach and Infertility Warrior.
She supports women in finding the root cause of their fertility issues and become the conscious mother they were born to be!
She dealt with years of unexplained infertility, failed IVF's & survived several miscarriages before becoming an IVF mom & getting pregnant natural even though the doctors said there was nothing she could do to improve her situation.
Author of the best-selling journal "Boost Your Embryos" and host of the highly popular podcast Finding Fertility, Monica is dedicated to inspiring women to look beyond their infertility diagnosis and take control of their health. Her signature online program, The Fertility Formula & personal Fertility Focused Coaching, has helped woman increase their chances of creating the family of their dreams.
Monica didn't have any glaring autoimmune symptoms, and was unaware of her autoimmune challenges until her fertility struggles shined a light.
Through her fertility journey, she found out that she has high natural killer cells and that by eating nightshades she was making her symptom expression worse.
From IBS, to bloating, brain fog and joint pain, Monica's symptoms were being normalized until her IVF failed.
We want you eating the most varied diet that supports your body.
AIP is a lifestyle, not a diet.
There is no one size fits all.
When you get to a certain level of health, the sacrifice that AIP is, becomes totally worth it. The health is the motivator.
You have to tap into those subconscious beliefs in order to stay on track.
Repeating to yourself what you want to be.
Consistent message, even if you aren't successful.
It is a form of love to show up for yourself every day!
The healing journey doesn't have to be hard!
Use the word "when" instead of "if"
When I get pregnant....
When I heal....
Imagine yourself how you want to be...
Be, do, have
Hope is the driver of change... keep that hope...
Use our intuition...
Trust yourself and be unstoppable.
Working on the root cause is key.
healing the gut, restoring the microbiome, mental and emotional health
Find support where the knowledge, experience, and expertise connect.
Get back up when you stumble.
She supports women in finding the root cause of their fertility issues and become the conscious mother they were born to be!
She dealt with years of unexplained infertility, failed IVF's & survived several miscarriages before becoming an IVF mom & getting pregnant natural even though the doctors said there was nothing she could do to improve her situation.
Author of the best-selling journal "Boost Your Embryos" and host of the highly popular podcast Finding Fertility, Monica is dedicated to inspiring women to look beyond their infertility diagnosis and take control of their health. Her signature online program, The Fertility Formula & personal Fertility Focused Coaching, has helped woman increase their chances of creating the family of their dreams.
Monica didn't have any glaring autoimmune symptoms, and was unaware of her autoimmune challenges until her fertility struggles shined a light.
Through her fertility journey, she found out that she has high natural killer cells and that by eating nightshades she was making her symptom expression worse.
From IBS, to bloating, brain fog and joint pain, Monica's symptoms were being normalized until her IVF failed.
"Your body is a healing machine, and if it wasn't you'd be f-ing dead!"
We want you eating the most varied diet that supports your body.
AIP is a lifestyle, not a diet.
There is no one size fits all.
When you get to a certain level of health, the sacrifice that AIP is, becomes totally worth it. The health is the motivator.
Mindset is shoulder to shoulder with diet in importance for healing.
Self love and self worth are key.You have to tap into those subconscious beliefs in order to stay on track.
Repeating to yourself what you want to be.
Consistent message, even if you aren't successful.
It is a form of love to show up for yourself every day!
The healing journey doesn't have to be hard!
Use the word "when" instead of "if"
When I get pregnant....
When I heal....
Imagine yourself how you want to be...
Be, do, have
Hope is the driver of change... keep that hope...
Use our intuition...
Trust yourself and be unstoppable.
Where to start...
A fertility health coach doesn't fix fertility...Working on the root cause is key.
healing the gut, restoring the microbiome, mental and emotional health
Find community
Get a coach you connect with.Find support where the knowledge, experience, and expertise connect.
Work on mindset.
Give yourself grace!Get back up when you stumble.
Other Resources:
Connect with Monica Cox
Watch this interview:
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Julie Michelson: Welcome back to the inspired living with auto immunity podcast. I'm your host, Julie Michelson. Monica Cox joins us in today's episode. Monica is an infertility warrior and holistic functional fertility coach. She's the best selling author of boost your embryos and the host of the finding fertility podcast.
[00:00:54] Our conversation today is about the link between autoimmunity and fertility. [00:01:00] Monica knows that the body is a healing machine and she shares her experience and wisdom with us from mindset to intuition. We dive in to explore the powerful tools to improve your health in a way that doesn't feel hard.
[00:01:14] Monica welcome to the podcast.
[00:01:17] Monica Cox: Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here.
[00:01:23] Julie Michelson: We are thrilled to have you, and this is, this is such an important topic. So I'm really excited. To dive in and I would love to have listeners learn more about you and love to find out about your story. Usually I, I ask, you know, well, how'd you get to be doing what you're doing. But even better is, you know, how let's talk about since we'll be talking about the connection of fertility struggles in auto immunity, you know, how did you find out you had auto immunity?
[00:01:54] I think I know the answer but I would love to hear. That part of your journey and [00:02:00] how led you to what you're doing now.
[00:02:02] Monica Cox: Yeah. So infer. Be exposed my very, very silent, autoimmune issue. I wasn't presenting like a classic autoimmune person per se with kind of big issues. And I am that kind of. Was a big issue in for many doctors, right? Because that's what they're looking for. They're looking for these big issues.
[00:02:29] They're looking for these big markers in their tests and I didn't have any of it. I just had the normal and common stuff. Like I had IBS and I had like constipation diarrhea. I had the bloating, the brain fog, the joint pain The PMs the discharge, you know, like the common stuff. And it was the fact that I could not get pregnant even with the assistance of IVF that sent me [00:03:00] on this path of discovery.
[00:03:01] And luckily there was a doctor Dr. Beard. He has a book called the better baby book or no. Is your body. That's Dave Asbury's book. His
[00:03:10] Julie Michelson: I know that
[00:03:11] Monica Cox: is your body. Yeah. yeah, no, that's the wrong book is your body baby friendly? And he comes from it with a very Western approach, but he was talking about autoimmune issues and blood type issues and all these like crazy things like this is impacting fertility.
[00:03:29] So that book sent me on the path to do work with a clinic that was doing the controversial testing at the time. I went on a health journey, be between IVF one and IVF two and improvements were insane. You know, like you could not fault me. I was like almost a picture of perfect health that we got better embryos, but I didn't even make it to day [00:04:00] 28 in that cycle.
[00:04:02] And then that's when we demanded the testing, because we actually got talked out a bit because once again, I wasn't presenting with normal issues. I wasn't having reoccurring miscarriages. I was so unhealthy. I just couldn't get pregnant. Like it was bad. And so that's what led me to find out that I had high natural killer cells, which is an autoimmune issue. stemming from the gut. And I was just very fortunate that the paleo mom at the time had a blog. I mean, it was her raw, original blog, and I just consumed, like she, her book wasn't even out yet and I just consumed like all her material. And then that's when I found out that I was highly, highly intolerant to tomatoes, paprika, like all the night shades, all the good stuff.
[00:04:50] Like, yeah, that's the, that's the cliff notes.
[00:04:53] Julie Michelson: Wow. I so amazing. And, and there's so, so many pieces of that I wanna touch on.[00:05:00] You know what, you're calling all the regular stuff. Shouldn't be regular stuff. First of all, like IBS is a thing. Bloating is a problem. Brain fog is. You know, serious and you're young, you shouldn't have joint pain, like all these things that, that get pushed aside often.
[00:05:20] Even when you're begging for answers. I, I just, you know, but this is why we're here having this conversation because you know, like you found paleo mom I love that you brought up Dave Asbury's book because he was my entry into wellness after over a decade of decline. And, and so. And the nightshade thing is I remember asking my rheumatologist, you know, I heard about, you know, night shades can be a problem for people with RA.
[00:05:49] And I really like, you know, trusted her and valued her opinion. And she just totally poo-pooed it. She was like, that's like one and 2 million people , you know?[00:06:00] And the interesting thing is, and I, this is totally an aside and I'm curious what you see in your work. I have yet to find anybody who's night chain sensitive that ISN.
[00:06:13] Already diagnosed or doesn't have at least symptoms of autoimmunity. Like I, I just, you know, I do food sensitivity testing with autoimmune clients and non autoimmune clients. And, you know, numbers are really high in the autoimmune world that, that if not all night shades, at least some night shades are a problem.
[00:06:32] And I just it's like almost nobody else has nitrate sensitivity. There's some kind of interesting overlap there.
[00:06:42] Monica Cox: Yeah. You know what? I was just talking about this at dinner last night with a friend and she was just interested in, she's actually trying to conceive her second child. So she was. Brain. And it obviously has to be within the genetics of the person, right. [00:07:00] To develop this type of autoimmune issue.
[00:07:04] They're genetically prone to it. But I also believe that for many of us of a certain age that we just had decades. Of abuse to our body and we probably fell off our cliff. I know I fell off my cliff in my teens looking back and No, you know, and you just keep going like a whole nother decade, you know, before you start looking into these things and the body's amazing, like my tagline is your body's a healing machine.
[00:07:41] And if you weren't, you'd be F and dead, right? Like your body's amazing to keep you alive as you beat it up. So I think, yeah, I think it's like, There's gotta be something genetic and with the lectans in, you know, those nightshades, I [00:08:00] think it's just a big enough issue to just keep pushing us. Right.
[00:08:05] It's that the body or the, you know, the food's natural defense to, you know, the little creatures out there and it just messes us up. But yeah, I just think it's like a, a genetic thing. And then decades of just. Port management
[00:08:23] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And to be fair, we're not just, it's not just night chains. I'm guessing the only change, you know, you didn't just stop eating night chains and all of a sudden everything was a hundred percent better. Like you said, it's decades, it's the, you know, the foods, the stressors, the toxins that you name it that we all have and
[00:08:43] Monica Cox: yeah, night shades was the last thing I took away because it was the, it wasn't.
[00:08:49] Julie Michelson: cuz they're healthy.
[00:08:50] Monica Cox: pale is like, yeah, they're buzzing. This word is buzzing. Right? Like people kind of [00:09:00] know of it, like, oh, I've heard of that. Where probably when we were discovering it, people were like, you are loopy. You have gone insane.
[00:09:08] If you think a tomato is messing you up. And I was like, well, my butt tells me different. So I'm listening to my butt. Not you
[00:09:19] Julie Michelson: I love that. And that that's exactly why in my practice, we do elimination diets so that we can feel. What, you know, I, I joke I'm like, just cuz Julie says, if you have autoimmunity, you shouldn't eat gluten. That's not gonna keep you from eating gluten in three years. Like that's not happening. You need to really get to a place where your inflammation's down enough to feel, you know, doing proper reintroductions which body parts are affected in what ways by what foods.
[00:09:49] So I love.
[00:09:52] Monica Cox: And, you know, I saw this girl, this young girl on TikTok and she's kind of like her posts have gone, you know, got some [00:10:00] traction and she's gone autoimmune paleo because she had some big issues and she's done it for a month and she looked. Great. I'm super excited for her that she's on this path, but she she's saying things like wrongly leading people to believe that it's like this magic diet.
[00:10:18] Right. And she's like, well, when you go AIP your body detoxes. And it's like, well, no, your body's detoxing all the time. You've just eliminated all this inflammation, whether or not you needed it, right. Whether or not you are intolerant into electing dairy, like it's so strict, you have literally, you know, eliminated all that.
[00:10:43] But don't lead people to believe that this is the magic trick that you do it for a. It's super easy. It's gonna change your life. Like one. We wanna know if this is a long term thing for
[00:10:57] Julie Michelson: right.
[00:10:58] Monica Cox: or if it can be a [00:11:00] short term thing for you, because it's so restrictive. We don't want people on it for long term because of your gut microbiome.
[00:11:08] You know, we want to introduce as much as possible back in.
[00:11:12] Julie Michelson: Say it again. We want you eating the most varied diet that supports your body period. And that is I'm so glad you, you mentioned that it's the, I think the biggest misconception. Of AIP is that it's that, you know, people take that elimination phase as like a lifetime diet, and that's not how it's designed and autoimmune.
[00:11:38] Paleo is not just about food.
[00:11:42] Monica Cox: mm-hmm
[00:11:42] Julie Michelson: it's a lifestyle that incorporates all those other areas I mentioned earlier. Because many of us are, I feel so fortunate, especially, you know, the more people I work with that have, you know, other underlying issues where the food alone [00:12:00] isn't moving the needle for them, which is shocking when you something really restrictive
[00:12:06] Monica Cox: yes.
[00:12:06] Julie Michelson: And so I.
[00:12:08] Monica Cox: hundred percent.
[00:12:09] Julie Michelson: Yeah, I feel so grateful that when I had no idea what I was doing, and I was experimenting on my own that I started to get traction with diet, change enough, to kind of clear the brain fog so I could learn more and, you know, led me to where I am now. And, and so I love that you said that yeah, it is.
[00:12:30] And it's not. I mentioned I do food sensitivity panels. I, you know, AIP is a structure. It's a framework. It's not this like, oh, follow these directions and you're healed. No, it doesn't. There is no one size fits all.
[00:12:48] Monica Cox: And like you said, it's a lifestyle, you know, I've been doing it for almost 10 years now. And I have been able to rein do some. Reintroduce some foods and [00:13:00] I'm still really highly intolerant at tomatoes and propria. Those seem to be like the kickers for me. So yeah. And, and like you say, you get to that level of health.
[00:13:11] Like, even if it's not like the peak, right. But it's like way better than where you were. All the inconvenience that AIP is.
[00:13:22] Julie Michelson: Yeah.
[00:13:23] Monica Cox: like, it doesn't matter anymore. because once you start letting yourself slip, because you will, right? Like you go, you have these peaks and troughs of your journey. You're like, you get to the point where you're like, Nope, not worth it.
[00:13:37] That BOLO salsa is not worth it. Right. Or even like, for me with gluten, like I'm not, yeah. I'm not gluten. I'm gluten sensitive, but really I'm gluten sensitive to the really crappy gluten, right? Like I can eat a beautiful sourdough, traditionally fermented loaf and not feel any [00:14:00] issues you give me one slice of like, whatever, even like some of the organic breads on the shelf.
[00:14:06] And I'm like, not can't do this. So it's not really necessarily the gluten it's all the other crap. That's surrounded in our food system that. Causing the issues
[00:14:18] Julie Michelson: Absolutely true. And, and that is the beauty of that's where it is individualized. Right? So for me, gluten is a never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Now I don't care who made it, how traditionally not going there ever again. Won't happen. but.
[00:14:37] Monica Cox: yeah.
[00:14:38] Julie Michelson: I allow myself a couple times a year, you know, some tomatoes. And I'm waiting because we have some in the garden and I'm like one of these days.
[00:14:47] But even that it it's a, like, I feel so good. I can, I can sneak them in if I have them once I don't feel anything. But if I have 'em two days in a row, I definitely notice [00:15:00] nothing, you know, for Maine like gluten, but they're, they're not. Certainly not a staple. So they're a, they're a rarer, you know, and I wouldn't even say sometimes they're a, a special treat is, is tomatoes.
[00:15:13] So it is, and that's, that's, I'm all about empowerment as I know you are. And that's where the power is when we know we get to make those decisions for ourselves, you know? And like you said, when we're feeling. So good. I, I, I say it all the time. I, for years I've been saying, you know, I can't believe how well I feel.
[00:15:36] And then I look over my shoulder and I'm like, wow, I feel even better than I did six months ago. And I thought I was at the peak. And, and so that is, that's the motivator right there. I don't think of how I eat as restrictive. I just Don. You know, and it takes a while for sure to get there. And it, sometimes it depends on, you know, where, where we were [00:16:00] in the struggle and how good, you know, what kind of results.
[00:16:04] And that's where sometimes, you know, if someone's just using food to heal, you know, that's not the whole.
[00:16:13] Monica Cox: Yeah, exactly. I mean, mindset is like shoulder to shoulder with diet, right? Like if you don't, well, I put it like this, obviously, if you're not sticking to your physical commitments, which is one is diet, right. It's a physical thing. You have to get real real with yourself. And understand why, because taking care of yourself, like once you have this knowledge, you know, that a, B and C will dramatically help you physically.
[00:16:48] Why can't you commit to that? And for most people it's either self love or self-worth. And so tapping into that mental and emotional [00:17:00] side of like, well, where did I lose? And for all of us, once again, it's a TA, like it's a very individual process but you gotta get real, right? Like I sit across from a friend who knows that gluten thing does not serve her, but she like eats it and then she feels guilty.
[00:17:21] And I keep telling her, I was like, it's your subconscious beliefs? And you've gotta tap into that stuff. Because it's just, you're gonna just keep cycling and then the guilt gets more. So once you're able to, and this is the, I personally feel, this is the hardest part, right? Diet is kind, I don't wanna say easy, but like you can
[00:17:42] Julie Michelson: It's a low
[00:17:43] Monica Cox: get rid of the temptations.
[00:17:45] You can like. Yeah, you can like control your environment, but at night, during the day, and you're sat there with yourself and your thoughts, no one there to protect you. Like it's hard. So it's [00:18:00] really, I think one of the hacks that I wish I would've had earlier in my life was just repeating to yourself what you wanna. So I recently did this with alcohol. I thought I didn't have a problem. Like, well, I didn't have a problem. I come from a line of alcoholics so I am a functioning. I was a functioning alcoholic and obviously
[00:18:25] Julie Michelson: a high
[00:18:25] Monica Cox: when I was going through infertility. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I didn't. I thought like, oh, I've quit for so many years.
[00:18:34] I'm not gonna get back into it. And then like the stress of being a mom and like all those little things, it like crept its way back in and not bad, like, because my body can't handle that stuff anymore. So it wasn't, I wasn't going on no out, but even one or two drinks, like three or four times a week, like it was just too much for my body.
[00:18:54] And I was feeling the physical impact of it again. And I was like, okay. [00:19:00] I'm not gonna put pressure on myself to stop this. I know that I don't wanna do this. I know it doesn't serve me. So every day that I had a drink, I went to bed and I told myself tomorrow, I'm not gonna drink. I'm not someone who needs alcohol to enjoy myself to relax.
[00:19:17] I'm not a drinker. And that's all I said to myself, knowing I was gonna drink the next.
[00:19:24] Julie Michelson: Right.
[00:19:24] Monica Cox: right. But I C I was consistent with that message to my subconscious mind of who I wanted to be. And so, even though I wasn't necessarily physically being that person yet, I was putting into my subconscious mind that I was that person.
[00:19:42] So March of this year, like mid-March, I woke up and I was like, all right, April 1st new moon. Knew me we're starting this. And yeah, I haven't had a drink since, and it's been super easy and it hasn't been, you know, the temptation is real when you have a connection to food [00:20:00] or drink or even shopping or, you know, whatever your vice is, whatever your thing is, but it doesn't have to be hard to give that up.
[00:20:09] You just have to convince your subconscious mind. That you're not that person anymore. And that you're worthy to take care of yourself that you love yourself enough. That's a form of love to take care of yourself, to show up for yourself every.
[00:20:24] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And, and a congratulations well done and, and that so beautifully illustrates the things that it is a hack. It's a beautiful hack and it is I it's essential. It's something that can speed healing up. You know, you lead the groundwork. I, you know, when I first learned what I'm about to say, I was like, oh, but the body hears every thought we have, whether it's true or not, and it can take years to unwind all those stories and patterns and we all should do that work.[00:21:00]
[00:21:00] But I say in the meantime, let's tip the scales. Let's give it what we want it to hear. Whether it's true, whether we believe it, it, it just starts to get our body ready and our, our subconscious mind ready to, to be that person to step in. So whether it's health or advice even I love that you said it's true.
[00:21:21] Everybody thinks they're so unique that they have these emotional connections to food. We all grew up eating like the, we all like, you know, and most of it, it's interesting. I've yet to meet one person. That's like, oh, but when I eat that salad, it brings up the best memories of my mom. Like, no, that's not.
[00:21:42] I don't know why, you know, hopefully the next generation will, will have that. Your kids, my kids maybe will have some, some of those connections. But we can change those stories. You know, we don't ha we're not, yes. We understand that. And there's ways to [00:22:00] recreate those positive feelings in a way that serves our body and, and shows ourself love.
[00:22:05] True love. So what a beautiful.
[00:22:08] Monica Cox: exactly.
[00:22:10] Julie Michelson: But yeah, that's, that's amazing. And, and I love, I had no idea we were going there. And, and this is where, where I've evolved to is I used to start everybody with diet, right? Low hanging fruit. It's easy. Every, you know, we all know it drives inflammation, we've gotta fix it and we'd get to mindset.
[00:22:31] And now I do it the other way, you know, it's like, no, no, no, let's, let's set this up for you to get results quicker. And I, I too feel like if I had known that hack. Years ago. It wouldn't have taken me so long to, to heal
[00:22:46] Monica Cox: long. Yeah. And I think too, like my journey on the mental and emotional spiritual woo woo path is that we've all been set up. That everything has to be hard. Right. [00:23:00] Like, it's it, like the healing journey is hard and like you're gonna struggle. And I'm really finding these little hacks of like, and, and releasing that story as well.
[00:23:14] Like, no, this can be easy. And before I really got into mindset work during my fertility journey, I literally, all I changed up was one word. And I started saying when I get pregnant, not if I get pregnant.
[00:23:30] Julie Michelson: Yes.
[00:23:31] Monica Cox: So it doesn't have to be these long meditations, which are very helpful and useful. You know, yoga 20 times a week, you know, like we kind of start beating ourselves up that we're not doing all these things perfectly, but if you, if you literally just start talking to yourself in a different tone and when you catch yourself, You know, in your head overthinking things or doubting yourself or any of that, you just start changing the conversation.
[00:23:59] You just [00:24:00] catch yourself and just go, no, we're not having that conversation. One thing I heard the other day, which is gonna radically change my life and I'm gonna share it with you guys, is that. Right. It's all about imagination. So you imagine your life, the way you want, right. Your mindset you're being, the person be, do have.
[00:24:21] And when you have doubts, this is what I say to myself. Now, there can be no other way. You've already decided that that's what you are going to be. So there's no other. And then that just dramatically stops that train of negative thought or like, I can't do it or it's never gonna happen for me. It's like, Nope, you've already created it.
[00:24:44] You've already put it out into the future. There's no other way. Keep going with the physical commitments that you need to make it happen.
[00:24:52] Julie Michelson: Well, we're done. That was just gold. Everybody should just go out. Feel now it was, [00:25:00] it was beautiful. And I wanna actually circle all the way back to cuz I see this all the time. So I wanna highlight that, you know, healing doesn't have to be hard. For me, you know, for you, I'm guessing what was hard was.
[00:25:14] Not being able to conceive that child for me, what was hard was I didn't think I would live to see my kids reach adulthood. Right. So that, that, stuff's hard. Like that's actually hard, not this idea of and, and I think almost all, probably all of us, not almost all of us will have people in, in our. Who mean, well, who are going to try to put that story on you?
[00:25:38] It's so hard. How do you give up the bread? How do you not eat tomatoes? It's so hard. I'm from New Jersey, best tomatoes anywhere, you know, like, yeah. I, I love tomatoes. It's fine. I actually love being physically able to enjoy my life. Spend time with my adult children, you know, take care of my who do the things right.
[00:25:58] Live fully.[00:26:00] So I, I love that you, you highlighted that and that you also said it does, we don't need to, although yes, it could be amazing to do 20 hours of yoga a week or sit and con you know, meditation and contemplation and, and it. The, we don't get there that way. It's those little steps. Right. So I love that you were like, change the one word stop saying if, say when, like literally that alone, right there is life changing.
[00:26:30] Monica Cox: Yeah. Yeah. And it, it, it. I don't wanna like downplay where probably most people listening to this podcast are because we both have walked through that fire of hell several times. But just. Keep that hope. I know. There's been a few good books that I've read about how hope is the tr driver of change, right?
[00:26:55] So if you hold onto that hope of a better [00:27:00] future, better health getting pregnant, whatever that is, you will stick to your commitments. Right?
[00:27:08] Julie Michelson: And if you're at a place where. You're not even sure it's possible. That's where you take that gold Monica gave you, make yourself that statement I can heal or whatever it is that you need to believe first. And, and just start there, create that reality for yourself. Because so many of us were told for so long, we couldn't.
[00:27:31] Right. So.
[00:27:33] Monica Cox: And, and there, that message is still out there. You are gonna get people thinking that you are crazy loopy diet doesn't matter mindset. Doesn't matter. People are just trying to make money off of you, like all that stuff. And this is a big part of my practice too, is intuition. I think that we can all look back at our lives and.
[00:27:57] See where we did and we didn't [00:28:00] follow our intuitions and where that led us. And every time I didn't follow my intuition, it cost me time, money, and a lot of heartache. And it was because, well, I'm not the expert or they know, or I don't wanna be judged or any of that. So I think when people really start trusting this themselves, especially women Like your path is going to be unstoppable.
[00:28:29] Julie Michelson: Unstoppable. I love that. And, and it's so true. It's something that, that for most of us, we need to relearn. Right. We need to learn to listen. We all have intuition. And, and I, what came up for me when you were giving the reasons why we don't, we sometimes don't listen or didn't used to for there's often there's not logic, like, you know, like the brain jumps in and it's like that doesn't make logical sense.
[00:28:56] And it's always the right move. So listen, listen to your gut. [00:29:00] Ha ha.
[00:29:01] Monica Cox: or like, you're not smart enough to know that, like for me, I'm, I'm not medically trained. I like, I'm a creative, like I love dance and photography and drawing and stuff. So when it came time to all this scientific stuff, I was so outta my depth. And for a long time, I didn't have the confidence in myself to know like, no, this is what's going on.
[00:29:22] Don't tell me differently. I know, but I didn't, I, I didn't feel I was smart. You know, like who am I to know this stuff?
[00:29:32] Julie Michelson: we,
[00:29:33] Monica Cox: now I'm like,
[00:29:35] Julie Michelson: Yeah. Especially in our field. Right. We're helping people with wellness and we're not doctors. And I remember when. I was going to trademark RA the right way. And like really actually I think it was when I was trademarking inspired living with autoimmunity. And I, I went to my guy who happens to be a functional medicine doctor.
[00:29:56] And I was like, I don't, you know, who am I? Like, I don't know. [00:30:00] Like, and he just looked at me and he was like, who knows? RA better than you do. He's like, I don't, I don't have it. I never lived it. Yeah. I went to medical school. So what, like, you know, and, and so we, we all have to do that work to shed. You know, the, all those story.
[00:30:19] Again, those are stories that we can change and, and get rid of. And you know, does it push us? Yes, I, I think I will always continue to learn, you know, and I know you're doing the same. We were talking about it before we were recording. Right. Always learning, always growing. And people have asked me, what's your, what is your most effective coaching tool?
[00:30:41] It's my intuition. It's, it's not anything I learned in any of my training programs. It, it's not what I've learned about functional medicine. It's when a client says something to me that they, or think they're saying in passing and I get goosebumps all over my body. I'm like, oh no, we need to go there.
[00:30:59] [00:31:00] This is really important. And so I would say, you know, there, isn't also an art, you are an artist, there's an art to what, what you do.
[00:31:08] Monica Cox: yeah. A hundred percent.
[00:31:10] Julie Michelson: For sure. So for, for people that are listening that are like, oh, I, you know, I've struggled with fertility and didn't realize there was a connection or they're thinking of getting ready to start a family and they know they have auto immunity. What's what's a good start.
[00:31:29] Monica Cox: Well, if they're here listening to this, you've already started. Really we don't fix fertility. Fertility health coach, especially when they're taking holistic and a functional approach. It's not your lady Brits that are outta whack, right? Those things don't run on their own. We are helping you get down to the root cause and we wanna know the root cause of your autoimmune issue.
[00:31:55] So obviously with a lot of immune issues, it is the gut. We focus a [00:32:00] lot on the gut healing, the gut lining, restoring the gut microbiome. And then it is like, we've been talking about the mental and emotional side of it all, you know, sometimes people with autoimmune issues Are just devastated because you're like, I have to live a certain way for the rest of my life, just to even maintain a level of health that so many people take granted for, you know?
[00:32:24] So it's really helping them through that. Obviously, when you are dealing with fertility issues, it's like, why is it so easy for my sister, my cousin, the crack head on the street, you know, like why me? Mm-hmm yeah. So it's just really focusing. On that mental and emotional health. So you've already started and just keep going and just get the right support.
[00:32:48] I mean, I think that's the key to anyone's healing that get in a community, get with a coach that you relate to. So if you are dealing. Dealing with fertility issues, hook up with [00:33:00] someone who like myself who has had fertility issues has done. IVF has walked the path and learn the knowledge at the same time.
[00:33:08] Right. If you're dealing with a specific autoimmune issue, go connect with a coach that gets that like yourself, like, you know, the pains, you know, the struggles that the doctors can't relate. Right. They just can even functional medicine doctors if they haven't walked that path. And I think that's where the magic lies.
[00:33:28] It's this like unseen layer where the knowledge, the expertise and the experience meet that gives the person in the healing phase. Just that extra support that they wouldn't get in other places.
[00:33:45] Julie Michelson: I totally agree. There's a, this just amazing feeling of being understood. You know, somebody gets it. And can guide them is amazing. I would say I don't usually answer my own questions [00:34:00] but I think step one would be to check out your amazing podcast. You know, if you're somebody who's contemplating starting a family or you're already there.
[00:34:08] I think for sure, check out finding fertility. Monica is such an amazing. Resource and she's got programs and community again, community is such a, a part of healing. Doesn't mean you have to, not everybody loves group coaching that, that doesn't, you don't have to do group coaching. But just, you know, auto immunity can be lonely.
[00:34:30] Any chronic illness can be lonely, struggling with fertility can be lonely. And so find your, find your people.
[00:34:37] Monica Cox: Yeah. Because I've reached a place where honesty is the best policy. I trigger a lot of people who are holding onto the victim card and it's not a bad thing. I'm not judging. But just know that if you're following someone and you keep getting triggered, it's. A very good [00:35:00] place to start looking at why that is triggering you.
[00:35:03] Because a lot of people think like, well, it's easy for you to say that now. And it's kind of like, well, I guess it's easy in this moment, me sitting right here, but my almost six year journey of never seeing a positive pregnancy test. Like really hard and that's what brought me here. So I am here to help you, like, make your journey dramatically less chaotic than mine, as expensive as mine, as long as mine was.
[00:35:36] And just really connect with someone who if you're in that place a victimhood, you know, not necessarily leave it. You know, get the support that you need, because sometimes that place is an important place to reside, but just have in the back of your head that like you can either, you know, you can be a [00:36:00] player in the game.
[00:36:01] You don't have to sit on the sideline or sit in that negative circle of like woes me. My life is so bad. Right. And I don't think anyone listening to this podcast is there. So
[00:36:14] Julie Michelson: No. And I think we, we have moments, right? We all have moments. But I'm a straight shooter too. I already mentioned I'm from New Jersey. I have no filter.
[00:36:23] Monica Cox: Yeah.
[00:36:24] Julie Michelson: and I call it like, I see it. And, and some people get very comfortable in victimhood and, and, and that's not where change happens. So if you actually are looking for healing improvement, a baby fill in the blank it's okay to, to visit.
[00:36:42] We can all visit . But then you need to take a step out of that place. And, and like you said, look inward and, you know, change one thing, start with one little simple thing. And like you said, You know, maybe change who you're hanging around. [00:37:00] If, if they're encouraging that there's a Jim RO quote that I love, you know, and it it's geared toward more like entrepreneurial business, but it it's the same for health.
[00:37:10] You know, you are the five people you spend the most time with. And so you might need to. Change your community, maybe not all at once, but find those people to connect with that are a little bit further down the path than you, or like Monica is, or I am maybe a lot further,
[00:37:28] Monica Cox: Yeah. Yeah. That's so important. Because you can come back, you know, like having these community areas, you know, for a lot of people, they, they won't have anyone in their life that gets it right. Ever. and being able to pop into those communities where you can express and vent and get the knowledge and get the empowerment actually helps you survive those communities that you can't leave.
[00:37:55] Right. Like, I still have family members, like I got pregnant naturally [00:38:00] approved it. Right. Like, I've studied
[00:38:01] Julie Michelson: it works.
[00:38:02] Monica Cox: Like I have the proof and they're like, no, you know, I just don't think, you know, I think IVF taught your body how to get pregnant and I'm like, okay. Peace be with you. I, yeah. Good. You know?
[00:38:16] So just find your tribe for sure.
[00:38:21] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And like you said, I, I love that you, you know, it doesn't mean we're getting, you know, yeah. It would be amazing. we, we call that a, you know, that's a, a social detox. But we're, you know, we all have families and communities that sometimes, you know, we we've gotta just take some of them with love and.
[00:38:41] You know, get that support and connection elsewhere. And that's okay. That's okay. Well, and then we work on boundaries in coaching, so it's all perfect.
[00:38:53] Monica Cox: Yeah. All the things that we should have learned in school, basically, I feel like that's kind of the thing
[00:38:59] Julie Michelson: I think [00:39:00] the things we were innately born with.
[00:39:03] Monica Cox: yeah,
[00:39:04] Julie Michelson: That were taught out of us. Right. Like, think about like a toddler, a toddler. If he doesn't like somebody
[00:39:10] Monica Cox: right.
[00:39:11] Julie Michelson: they don't wanna be, they they're very clear, like I don't wanna play with him or her or you, or, you know and then we're told, oh, that's not play you.
[00:39:20] Can't, you know, you can't respect your own boundaries. And so, yeah, it's all part of the healing and learning as adults. What, what, you know, we knew. Before,
[00:39:31] Monica Cox: yeah. Right.
[00:39:34] Julie Michelson: I love that. Well, you've given us already so many amazing tips and places where people could, could start, but I'm gonna ask cuz I, you know, listeners know at the end I always ask and sometimes they get an additional one or you're gonna highlight one you've already said, but what is that one step that listeners can take starting today to start to improve?
[00:39:59] Monica Cox: [00:40:00] Yeah. So definitely the mindset is what we talked talked about before is probably the number one. To add on to that. I would say give yourself grace, right? I think a lot of us yeah, beat ourselves up over not being perfect. And this journey isn't about being perfect. It's about being consistent, learning, growing, stumbling, getting back up.
[00:40:25] And if you give yourself grace to do that, it's just a much. It's more joyful. Your journey is just more joyful instead of this kind of cluster of like ups and downs and ups and downs. Like, just look at yourself as an even plane in some. Sometimes you have to walk up and sometimes you have to walk down and that's just life and just give yourself grace, because it took you decades to get here in the first place.
[00:40:53] The good news. It's not gonna take you decades to reverse it, but it, it will take solid few years [00:41:00] commitment. Yeah. And then rearranging your lifestyle and, and UN unfortunately, I believe that autoimmune is gonna be worse than diabetes in the future. So a lot of people aren't just know that if you're, if you're doing this right now, you're an outlier.
[00:41:21] You're the, you are the frontier of like having this knowledge and that in one way and or another in the future, you are gonna be able to help someone else out.
[00:41:35] Julie Michelson: Always. It's the it's, you know, the butterfly effect, the ripple effect is beautiful. I was talking to a, a former client. Who's a friend yesterday. And she was sharing about her children and how they eat. And her youngest, you know, loves to cook and he loves to cook healthy food. And, and when we very first started working together, you know, she was that mom, like, there's no way my family's [00:42:00] going to eat this way.
[00:42:01] Right. And now, you know, her kids are. Sharing with their friends and it, we always, you know, we don't need to do this for a living to, to be. I always say that's the joy of, I love watching my clients heal and improve, but knowing that they're gonna then pay that forward and we're impacting families. And my goal, I'm guessing your goal is, is generations, right?
[00:42:27] We want this to, to be the new normal.
[00:42:33] Monica Cox: Yeah. A hundred percent it's yeah, my tagline, I suppose, is you know, helping mothers become the conscious mom. They were, you know, born to be, you know, raising that consciousness. Once you get a little bit of information, you want more. And then you see, wow, this is potentially can have a big impact on my future child.
[00:42:55] That's not even here and my grandchildren and, and it's, it's it's a lot [00:43:00] to take on, but it's very, very impactful.
[00:43:03] Julie Michelson: Well, and we're impacting all, all the future one way or another, right. So we can do it eating Twinki or we can do it by really sharing wellness. And so don't get overwhelmed. I wanna just touch on. Your, your tip of grace. It, and, and I think one thing that makes it easier for people or not easier but maybe raises awareness is I always say, you know, well, the grace, you extend to everybody else around you.
[00:43:35] Like you deserve that. That's the grace we're talking about. That's that level. And, and so, you know, if, if you're listening and you're like, I don't even know what that means. That's okay. I know we all are toughest on ourselves and not only does it make it more, the journey more joyful, but I, I think actually, you know, shortens healing [00:44:00] time and, and, you know, speeds are recovery and it it's a it's.
[00:44:06] It's the word. And we didn't rehearse this, but we clearly share approaches here. So amazing. So we, we, all of your links and, and goodies are gonna be in the show notes, but for people that love to listen on the go, and maybe aren't great at clicking through, where's the best place to find you. If they're like, oh my gosh, I need to, I need to know more about Monica.
[00:44:30] Monica Cox: Yeah. So I'm @FindingFertility everywhere, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and my website, my podcast. So yeah, just pick your guilt. Pleasure. And I will be there in a very authentic, real way. so get ready, buckle up. And yeah, just, . Yeah. It's like no holds bar. But it just like, we're here for a good time.
[00:44:59] Right. [00:45:00] And not a long time. And with fertility, you feel so time poor already. So the sooner. You get this information in a direct, you know, loving way, the sooner you're gonna be holding your baby, you know, or the sooner you're gonna feel like, well, enough to go play with your children. You know, like I always say to people, how long do you want your journey to be?
[00:45:22] It's your choice? You get to choose.
[00:45:25] Julie Michelson: Amazing. Ugh, Monica. Thank you so much. You have given us amazing gold today.
[00:45:33] Monica Cox: Yay. I'm so excited to, to share and connect. It was great.
[00:45:39] Julie Michelson: Thank you for everyone listening. Remember you can get the show notes and transcripts by visiting inspired living.show. I hope you had a great time and enjoyed this episode as much as I did. I'll see you next week.
[00:00:54] Our conversation today is about the link between autoimmunity and fertility. [00:01:00] Monica knows that the body is a healing machine and she shares her experience and wisdom with us from mindset to intuition. We dive in to explore the powerful tools to improve your health in a way that doesn't feel hard.
[00:01:14] Monica welcome to the podcast.
[00:01:17] Monica Cox: Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here.
[00:01:23] Julie Michelson: We are thrilled to have you, and this is, this is such an important topic. So I'm really excited. To dive in and I would love to have listeners learn more about you and love to find out about your story. Usually I, I ask, you know, well, how'd you get to be doing what you're doing. But even better is, you know, how let's talk about since we'll be talking about the connection of fertility struggles in auto immunity, you know, how did you find out you had auto immunity?
[00:01:54] I think I know the answer but I would love to hear. That part of your journey and [00:02:00] how led you to what you're doing now.
[00:02:02] Monica Cox: Yeah. So infer. Be exposed my very, very silent, autoimmune issue. I wasn't presenting like a classic autoimmune person per se with kind of big issues. And I am that kind of. Was a big issue in for many doctors, right? Because that's what they're looking for. They're looking for these big issues.
[00:02:29] They're looking for these big markers in their tests and I didn't have any of it. I just had the normal and common stuff. Like I had IBS and I had like constipation diarrhea. I had the bloating, the brain fog, the joint pain The PMs the discharge, you know, like the common stuff. And it was the fact that I could not get pregnant even with the assistance of IVF that sent me [00:03:00] on this path of discovery.
[00:03:01] And luckily there was a doctor Dr. Beard. He has a book called the better baby book or no. Is your body. That's Dave Asbury's book. His
[00:03:10] Julie Michelson: I know that
[00:03:11] Monica Cox: is your body. Yeah. yeah, no, that's the wrong book is your body baby friendly? And he comes from it with a very Western approach, but he was talking about autoimmune issues and blood type issues and all these like crazy things like this is impacting fertility.
[00:03:29] So that book sent me on the path to do work with a clinic that was doing the controversial testing at the time. I went on a health journey, be between IVF one and IVF two and improvements were insane. You know, like you could not fault me. I was like almost a picture of perfect health that we got better embryos, but I didn't even make it to day [00:04:00] 28 in that cycle.
[00:04:02] And then that's when we demanded the testing, because we actually got talked out a bit because once again, I wasn't presenting with normal issues. I wasn't having reoccurring miscarriages. I was so unhealthy. I just couldn't get pregnant. Like it was bad. And so that's what led me to find out that I had high natural killer cells, which is an autoimmune issue. stemming from the gut. And I was just very fortunate that the paleo mom at the time had a blog. I mean, it was her raw, original blog, and I just consumed, like she, her book wasn't even out yet and I just consumed like all her material. And then that's when I found out that I was highly, highly intolerant to tomatoes, paprika, like all the night shades, all the good stuff.
[00:04:50] Like, yeah, that's the, that's the cliff notes.
[00:04:53] Julie Michelson: Wow. I so amazing. And, and there's so, so many pieces of that I wanna touch on.[00:05:00] You know what, you're calling all the regular stuff. Shouldn't be regular stuff. First of all, like IBS is a thing. Bloating is a problem. Brain fog is. You know, serious and you're young, you shouldn't have joint pain, like all these things that, that get pushed aside often.
[00:05:20] Even when you're begging for answers. I, I just, you know, but this is why we're here having this conversation because you know, like you found paleo mom I love that you brought up Dave Asbury's book because he was my entry into wellness after over a decade of decline. And, and so. And the nightshade thing is I remember asking my rheumatologist, you know, I heard about, you know, night shades can be a problem for people with RA.
[00:05:49] And I really like, you know, trusted her and valued her opinion. And she just totally poo-pooed it. She was like, that's like one and 2 million people , you know?[00:06:00] And the interesting thing is, and I, this is totally an aside and I'm curious what you see in your work. I have yet to find anybody who's night chain sensitive that ISN.
[00:06:13] Already diagnosed or doesn't have at least symptoms of autoimmunity. Like I, I just, you know, I do food sensitivity testing with autoimmune clients and non autoimmune clients. And, you know, numbers are really high in the autoimmune world that, that if not all night shades, at least some night shades are a problem.
[00:06:32] And I just it's like almost nobody else has nitrate sensitivity. There's some kind of interesting overlap there.
[00:06:42] Monica Cox: Yeah. You know what? I was just talking about this at dinner last night with a friend and she was just interested in, she's actually trying to conceive her second child. So she was. Brain. And it obviously has to be within the genetics of the person, right. [00:07:00] To develop this type of autoimmune issue.
[00:07:04] They're genetically prone to it. But I also believe that for many of us of a certain age that we just had decades. Of abuse to our body and we probably fell off our cliff. I know I fell off my cliff in my teens looking back and No, you know, and you just keep going like a whole nother decade, you know, before you start looking into these things and the body's amazing, like my tagline is your body's a healing machine.
[00:07:41] And if you weren't, you'd be F and dead, right? Like your body's amazing to keep you alive as you beat it up. So I think, yeah, I think it's like, There's gotta be something genetic and with the lectans in, you know, those nightshades, I [00:08:00] think it's just a big enough issue to just keep pushing us. Right.
[00:08:05] It's that the body or the, you know, the food's natural defense to, you know, the little creatures out there and it just messes us up. But yeah, I just think it's like a, a genetic thing. And then decades of just. Port management
[00:08:23] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And to be fair, we're not just, it's not just night chains. I'm guessing the only change, you know, you didn't just stop eating night chains and all of a sudden everything was a hundred percent better. Like you said, it's decades, it's the, you know, the foods, the stressors, the toxins that you name it that we all have and
[00:08:43] Monica Cox: yeah, night shades was the last thing I took away because it was the, it wasn't.
[00:08:49] Julie Michelson: cuz they're healthy.
[00:08:50] Monica Cox: pale is like, yeah, they're buzzing. This word is buzzing. Right? Like people kind of [00:09:00] know of it, like, oh, I've heard of that. Where probably when we were discovering it, people were like, you are loopy. You have gone insane.
[00:09:08] If you think a tomato is messing you up. And I was like, well, my butt tells me different. So I'm listening to my butt. Not you
[00:09:19] Julie Michelson: I love that. And that that's exactly why in my practice, we do elimination diets so that we can feel. What, you know, I, I joke I'm like, just cuz Julie says, if you have autoimmunity, you shouldn't eat gluten. That's not gonna keep you from eating gluten in three years. Like that's not happening. You need to really get to a place where your inflammation's down enough to feel, you know, doing proper reintroductions which body parts are affected in what ways by what foods.
[00:09:49] So I love.
[00:09:52] Monica Cox: And, you know, I saw this girl, this young girl on TikTok and she's kind of like her posts have gone, you know, got some [00:10:00] traction and she's gone autoimmune paleo because she had some big issues and she's done it for a month and she looked. Great. I'm super excited for her that she's on this path, but she she's saying things like wrongly leading people to believe that it's like this magic diet.
[00:10:18] Right. And she's like, well, when you go AIP your body detoxes. And it's like, well, no, your body's detoxing all the time. You've just eliminated all this inflammation, whether or not you needed it, right. Whether or not you are intolerant into electing dairy, like it's so strict, you have literally, you know, eliminated all that.
[00:10:43] But don't lead people to believe that this is the magic trick that you do it for a. It's super easy. It's gonna change your life. Like one. We wanna know if this is a long term thing for
[00:10:57] Julie Michelson: right.
[00:10:58] Monica Cox: or if it can be a [00:11:00] short term thing for you, because it's so restrictive. We don't want people on it for long term because of your gut microbiome.
[00:11:08] You know, we want to introduce as much as possible back in.
[00:11:12] Julie Michelson: Say it again. We want you eating the most varied diet that supports your body period. And that is I'm so glad you, you mentioned that it's the, I think the biggest misconception. Of AIP is that it's that, you know, people take that elimination phase as like a lifetime diet, and that's not how it's designed and autoimmune.
[00:11:38] Paleo is not just about food.
[00:11:42] Monica Cox: mm-hmm
[00:11:42] Julie Michelson: it's a lifestyle that incorporates all those other areas I mentioned earlier. Because many of us are, I feel so fortunate, especially, you know, the more people I work with that have, you know, other underlying issues where the food alone [00:12:00] isn't moving the needle for them, which is shocking when you something really restrictive
[00:12:06] Monica Cox: yes.
[00:12:06] Julie Michelson: And so I.
[00:12:08] Monica Cox: hundred percent.
[00:12:09] Julie Michelson: Yeah, I feel so grateful that when I had no idea what I was doing, and I was experimenting on my own that I started to get traction with diet, change enough, to kind of clear the brain fog so I could learn more and, you know, led me to where I am now. And, and so I love that you said that yeah, it is.
[00:12:30] And it's not. I mentioned I do food sensitivity panels. I, you know, AIP is a structure. It's a framework. It's not this like, oh, follow these directions and you're healed. No, it doesn't. There is no one size fits all.
[00:12:48] Monica Cox: And like you said, it's a lifestyle, you know, I've been doing it for almost 10 years now. And I have been able to rein do some. Reintroduce some foods and [00:13:00] I'm still really highly intolerant at tomatoes and propria. Those seem to be like the kickers for me. So yeah. And, and like you say, you get to that level of health.
[00:13:11] Like, even if it's not like the peak, right. But it's like way better than where you were. All the inconvenience that AIP is.
[00:13:22] Julie Michelson: Yeah.
[00:13:23] Monica Cox: like, it doesn't matter anymore. because once you start letting yourself slip, because you will, right? Like you go, you have these peaks and troughs of your journey. You're like, you get to the point where you're like, Nope, not worth it.
[00:13:37] That BOLO salsa is not worth it. Right. Or even like, for me with gluten, like I'm not, yeah. I'm not gluten. I'm gluten sensitive, but really I'm gluten sensitive to the really crappy gluten, right? Like I can eat a beautiful sourdough, traditionally fermented loaf and not feel any [00:14:00] issues you give me one slice of like, whatever, even like some of the organic breads on the shelf.
[00:14:06] And I'm like, not can't do this. So it's not really necessarily the gluten it's all the other crap. That's surrounded in our food system that. Causing the issues
[00:14:18] Julie Michelson: Absolutely true. And, and that is the beauty of that's where it is individualized. Right? So for me, gluten is a never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Now I don't care who made it, how traditionally not going there ever again. Won't happen. but.
[00:14:37] Monica Cox: yeah.
[00:14:38] Julie Michelson: I allow myself a couple times a year, you know, some tomatoes. And I'm waiting because we have some in the garden and I'm like one of these days.
[00:14:47] But even that it it's a, like, I feel so good. I can, I can sneak them in if I have them once I don't feel anything. But if I have 'em two days in a row, I definitely notice [00:15:00] nothing, you know, for Maine like gluten, but they're, they're not. Certainly not a staple. So they're a, they're a rarer, you know, and I wouldn't even say sometimes they're a, a special treat is, is tomatoes.
[00:15:13] So it is, and that's, that's, I'm all about empowerment as I know you are. And that's where the power is when we know we get to make those decisions for ourselves, you know? And like you said, when we're feeling. So good. I, I, I say it all the time. I, for years I've been saying, you know, I can't believe how well I feel.
[00:15:36] And then I look over my shoulder and I'm like, wow, I feel even better than I did six months ago. And I thought I was at the peak. And, and so that is, that's the motivator right there. I don't think of how I eat as restrictive. I just Don. You know, and it takes a while for sure to get there. And it, sometimes it depends on, you know, where, where we were [00:16:00] in the struggle and how good, you know, what kind of results.
[00:16:04] And that's where sometimes, you know, if someone's just using food to heal, you know, that's not the whole.
[00:16:13] Monica Cox: Yeah, exactly. I mean, mindset is like shoulder to shoulder with diet, right? Like if you don't, well, I put it like this, obviously, if you're not sticking to your physical commitments, which is one is diet, right. It's a physical thing. You have to get real real with yourself. And understand why, because taking care of yourself, like once you have this knowledge, you know, that a, B and C will dramatically help you physically.
[00:16:48] Why can't you commit to that? And for most people it's either self love or self-worth. And so tapping into that mental and emotional [00:17:00] side of like, well, where did I lose? And for all of us, once again, it's a TA, like it's a very individual process but you gotta get real, right? Like I sit across from a friend who knows that gluten thing does not serve her, but she like eats it and then she feels guilty.
[00:17:21] And I keep telling her, I was like, it's your subconscious beliefs? And you've gotta tap into that stuff. Because it's just, you're gonna just keep cycling and then the guilt gets more. So once you're able to, and this is the, I personally feel, this is the hardest part, right? Diet is kind, I don't wanna say easy, but like you can
[00:17:42] Julie Michelson: It's a low
[00:17:43] Monica Cox: get rid of the temptations.
[00:17:45] You can like. Yeah, you can like control your environment, but at night, during the day, and you're sat there with yourself and your thoughts, no one there to protect you. Like it's hard. So it's [00:18:00] really, I think one of the hacks that I wish I would've had earlier in my life was just repeating to yourself what you wanna. So I recently did this with alcohol. I thought I didn't have a problem. Like, well, I didn't have a problem. I come from a line of alcoholics so I am a functioning. I was a functioning alcoholic and obviously
[00:18:25] Julie Michelson: a high
[00:18:25] Monica Cox: when I was going through infertility. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I didn't. I thought like, oh, I've quit for so many years.
[00:18:34] I'm not gonna get back into it. And then like the stress of being a mom and like all those little things, it like crept its way back in and not bad, like, because my body can't handle that stuff anymore. So it wasn't, I wasn't going on no out, but even one or two drinks, like three or four times a week, like it was just too much for my body.
[00:18:54] And I was feeling the physical impact of it again. And I was like, okay. [00:19:00] I'm not gonna put pressure on myself to stop this. I know that I don't wanna do this. I know it doesn't serve me. So every day that I had a drink, I went to bed and I told myself tomorrow, I'm not gonna drink. I'm not someone who needs alcohol to enjoy myself to relax.
[00:19:17] I'm not a drinker. And that's all I said to myself, knowing I was gonna drink the next.
[00:19:24] Julie Michelson: Right.
[00:19:24] Monica Cox: right. But I C I was consistent with that message to my subconscious mind of who I wanted to be. And so, even though I wasn't necessarily physically being that person yet, I was putting into my subconscious mind that I was that person.
[00:19:42] So March of this year, like mid-March, I woke up and I was like, all right, April 1st new moon. Knew me we're starting this. And yeah, I haven't had a drink since, and it's been super easy and it hasn't been, you know, the temptation is real when you have a connection to food [00:20:00] or drink or even shopping or, you know, whatever your vice is, whatever your thing is, but it doesn't have to be hard to give that up.
[00:20:09] You just have to convince your subconscious mind. That you're not that person anymore. And that you're worthy to take care of yourself that you love yourself enough. That's a form of love to take care of yourself, to show up for yourself every.
[00:20:24] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And, and a congratulations well done and, and that so beautifully illustrates the things that it is a hack. It's a beautiful hack and it is I it's essential. It's something that can speed healing up. You know, you lead the groundwork. I, you know, when I first learned what I'm about to say, I was like, oh, but the body hears every thought we have, whether it's true or not, and it can take years to unwind all those stories and patterns and we all should do that work.[00:21:00]
[00:21:00] But I say in the meantime, let's tip the scales. Let's give it what we want it to hear. Whether it's true, whether we believe it, it, it just starts to get our body ready and our, our subconscious mind ready to, to be that person to step in. So whether it's health or advice even I love that you said it's true.
[00:21:21] Everybody thinks they're so unique that they have these emotional connections to food. We all grew up eating like the, we all like, you know, and most of it, it's interesting. I've yet to meet one person. That's like, oh, but when I eat that salad, it brings up the best memories of my mom. Like, no, that's not.
[00:21:42] I don't know why, you know, hopefully the next generation will, will have that. Your kids, my kids maybe will have some, some of those connections. But we can change those stories. You know, we don't ha we're not, yes. We understand that. And there's ways to [00:22:00] recreate those positive feelings in a way that serves our body and, and shows ourself love.
[00:22:05] True love. So what a beautiful.
[00:22:08] Monica Cox: exactly.
[00:22:10] Julie Michelson: But yeah, that's, that's amazing. And, and I love, I had no idea we were going there. And, and this is where, where I've evolved to is I used to start everybody with diet, right? Low hanging fruit. It's easy. Every, you know, we all know it drives inflammation, we've gotta fix it and we'd get to mindset.
[00:22:31] And now I do it the other way, you know, it's like, no, no, no, let's, let's set this up for you to get results quicker. And I, I too feel like if I had known that hack. Years ago. It wouldn't have taken me so long to, to heal
[00:22:46] Monica Cox: long. Yeah. And I think too, like my journey on the mental and emotional spiritual woo woo path is that we've all been set up. That everything has to be hard. Right. [00:23:00] Like, it's it, like the healing journey is hard and like you're gonna struggle. And I'm really finding these little hacks of like, and, and releasing that story as well.
[00:23:14] Like, no, this can be easy. And before I really got into mindset work during my fertility journey, I literally, all I changed up was one word. And I started saying when I get pregnant, not if I get pregnant.
[00:23:30] Julie Michelson: Yes.
[00:23:31] Monica Cox: So it doesn't have to be these long meditations, which are very helpful and useful. You know, yoga 20 times a week, you know, like we kind of start beating ourselves up that we're not doing all these things perfectly, but if you, if you literally just start talking to yourself in a different tone and when you catch yourself, You know, in your head overthinking things or doubting yourself or any of that, you just start changing the conversation.
[00:23:59] You just [00:24:00] catch yourself and just go, no, we're not having that conversation. One thing I heard the other day, which is gonna radically change my life and I'm gonna share it with you guys, is that. Right. It's all about imagination. So you imagine your life, the way you want, right. Your mindset you're being, the person be, do have.
[00:24:21] And when you have doubts, this is what I say to myself. Now, there can be no other way. You've already decided that that's what you are going to be. So there's no other. And then that just dramatically stops that train of negative thought or like, I can't do it or it's never gonna happen for me. It's like, Nope, you've already created it.
[00:24:44] You've already put it out into the future. There's no other way. Keep going with the physical commitments that you need to make it happen.
[00:24:52] Julie Michelson: Well, we're done. That was just gold. Everybody should just go out. Feel now it was, [00:25:00] it was beautiful. And I wanna actually circle all the way back to cuz I see this all the time. So I wanna highlight that, you know, healing doesn't have to be hard. For me, you know, for you, I'm guessing what was hard was.
[00:25:14] Not being able to conceive that child for me, what was hard was I didn't think I would live to see my kids reach adulthood. Right. So that, that, stuff's hard. Like that's actually hard, not this idea of and, and I think almost all, probably all of us, not almost all of us will have people in, in our. Who mean, well, who are going to try to put that story on you?
[00:25:38] It's so hard. How do you give up the bread? How do you not eat tomatoes? It's so hard. I'm from New Jersey, best tomatoes anywhere, you know, like, yeah. I, I love tomatoes. It's fine. I actually love being physically able to enjoy my life. Spend time with my adult children, you know, take care of my who do the things right.
[00:25:58] Live fully.[00:26:00] So I, I love that you, you highlighted that and that you also said it does, we don't need to, although yes, it could be amazing to do 20 hours of yoga a week or sit and con you know, meditation and contemplation and, and it. The, we don't get there that way. It's those little steps. Right. So I love that you were like, change the one word stop saying if, say when, like literally that alone, right there is life changing.
[00:26:30] Monica Cox: Yeah. Yeah. And it, it, it. I don't wanna like downplay where probably most people listening to this podcast are because we both have walked through that fire of hell several times. But just. Keep that hope. I know. There's been a few good books that I've read about how hope is the tr driver of change, right?
[00:26:55] So if you hold onto that hope of a better [00:27:00] future, better health getting pregnant, whatever that is, you will stick to your commitments. Right?
[00:27:08] Julie Michelson: And if you're at a place where. You're not even sure it's possible. That's where you take that gold Monica gave you, make yourself that statement I can heal or whatever it is that you need to believe first. And, and just start there, create that reality for yourself. Because so many of us were told for so long, we couldn't.
[00:27:31] Right. So.
[00:27:33] Monica Cox: And, and there, that message is still out there. You are gonna get people thinking that you are crazy loopy diet doesn't matter mindset. Doesn't matter. People are just trying to make money off of you, like all that stuff. And this is a big part of my practice too, is intuition. I think that we can all look back at our lives and.
[00:27:57] See where we did and we didn't [00:28:00] follow our intuitions and where that led us. And every time I didn't follow my intuition, it cost me time, money, and a lot of heartache. And it was because, well, I'm not the expert or they know, or I don't wanna be judged or any of that. So I think when people really start trusting this themselves, especially women Like your path is going to be unstoppable.
[00:28:29] Julie Michelson: Unstoppable. I love that. And, and it's so true. It's something that, that for most of us, we need to relearn. Right. We need to learn to listen. We all have intuition. And, and I, what came up for me when you were giving the reasons why we don't, we sometimes don't listen or didn't used to for there's often there's not logic, like, you know, like the brain jumps in and it's like that doesn't make logical sense.
[00:28:56] And it's always the right move. So listen, listen to your gut. [00:29:00] Ha ha.
[00:29:01] Monica Cox: or like, you're not smart enough to know that, like for me, I'm, I'm not medically trained. I like, I'm a creative, like I love dance and photography and drawing and stuff. So when it came time to all this scientific stuff, I was so outta my depth. And for a long time, I didn't have the confidence in myself to know like, no, this is what's going on.
[00:29:22] Don't tell me differently. I know, but I didn't, I, I didn't feel I was smart. You know, like who am I to know this stuff?
[00:29:32] Julie Michelson: we,
[00:29:33] Monica Cox: now I'm like,
[00:29:35] Julie Michelson: Yeah. Especially in our field. Right. We're helping people with wellness and we're not doctors. And I remember when. I was going to trademark RA the right way. And like really actually I think it was when I was trademarking inspired living with autoimmunity. And I, I went to my guy who happens to be a functional medicine doctor.
[00:29:56] And I was like, I don't, you know, who am I? Like, I don't know. [00:30:00] Like, and he just looked at me and he was like, who knows? RA better than you do. He's like, I don't, I don't have it. I never lived it. Yeah. I went to medical school. So what, like, you know, and, and so we, we all have to do that work to shed. You know, the, all those story.
[00:30:19] Again, those are stories that we can change and, and get rid of. And you know, does it push us? Yes, I, I think I will always continue to learn, you know, and I know you're doing the same. We were talking about it before we were recording. Right. Always learning, always growing. And people have asked me, what's your, what is your most effective coaching tool?
[00:30:41] It's my intuition. It's, it's not anything I learned in any of my training programs. It, it's not what I've learned about functional medicine. It's when a client says something to me that they, or think they're saying in passing and I get goosebumps all over my body. I'm like, oh no, we need to go there.
[00:30:59] [00:31:00] This is really important. And so I would say, you know, there, isn't also an art, you are an artist, there's an art to what, what you do.
[00:31:08] Monica Cox: yeah. A hundred percent.
[00:31:10] Julie Michelson: For sure. So for, for people that are listening that are like, oh, I, you know, I've struggled with fertility and didn't realize there was a connection or they're thinking of getting ready to start a family and they know they have auto immunity. What's what's a good start.
[00:31:29] Monica Cox: Well, if they're here listening to this, you've already started. Really we don't fix fertility. Fertility health coach, especially when they're taking holistic and a functional approach. It's not your lady Brits that are outta whack, right? Those things don't run on their own. We are helping you get down to the root cause and we wanna know the root cause of your autoimmune issue.
[00:31:55] So obviously with a lot of immune issues, it is the gut. We focus a [00:32:00] lot on the gut healing, the gut lining, restoring the gut microbiome. And then it is like, we've been talking about the mental and emotional side of it all, you know, sometimes people with autoimmune issues Are just devastated because you're like, I have to live a certain way for the rest of my life, just to even maintain a level of health that so many people take granted for, you know?
[00:32:24] So it's really helping them through that. Obviously, when you are dealing with fertility issues, it's like, why is it so easy for my sister, my cousin, the crack head on the street, you know, like why me? Mm-hmm yeah. So it's just really focusing. On that mental and emotional health. So you've already started and just keep going and just get the right support.
[00:32:48] I mean, I think that's the key to anyone's healing that get in a community, get with a coach that you relate to. So if you are dealing. Dealing with fertility issues, hook up with [00:33:00] someone who like myself who has had fertility issues has done. IVF has walked the path and learn the knowledge at the same time.
[00:33:08] Right. If you're dealing with a specific autoimmune issue, go connect with a coach that gets that like yourself, like, you know, the pains, you know, the struggles that the doctors can't relate. Right. They just can even functional medicine doctors if they haven't walked that path. And I think that's where the magic lies.
[00:33:28] It's this like unseen layer where the knowledge, the expertise and the experience meet that gives the person in the healing phase. Just that extra support that they wouldn't get in other places.
[00:33:45] Julie Michelson: I totally agree. There's a, this just amazing feeling of being understood. You know, somebody gets it. And can guide them is amazing. I would say I don't usually answer my own questions [00:34:00] but I think step one would be to check out your amazing podcast. You know, if you're somebody who's contemplating starting a family or you're already there.
[00:34:08] I think for sure, check out finding fertility. Monica is such an amazing. Resource and she's got programs and community again, community is such a, a part of healing. Doesn't mean you have to, not everybody loves group coaching that, that doesn't, you don't have to do group coaching. But just, you know, auto immunity can be lonely.
[00:34:30] Any chronic illness can be lonely, struggling with fertility can be lonely. And so find your, find your people.
[00:34:37] Monica Cox: Yeah. Because I've reached a place where honesty is the best policy. I trigger a lot of people who are holding onto the victim card and it's not a bad thing. I'm not judging. But just know that if you're following someone and you keep getting triggered, it's. A very good [00:35:00] place to start looking at why that is triggering you.
[00:35:03] Because a lot of people think like, well, it's easy for you to say that now. And it's kind of like, well, I guess it's easy in this moment, me sitting right here, but my almost six year journey of never seeing a positive pregnancy test. Like really hard and that's what brought me here. So I am here to help you, like, make your journey dramatically less chaotic than mine, as expensive as mine, as long as mine was.
[00:35:36] And just really connect with someone who if you're in that place a victimhood, you know, not necessarily leave it. You know, get the support that you need, because sometimes that place is an important place to reside, but just have in the back of your head that like you can either, you know, you can be a [00:36:00] player in the game.
[00:36:01] You don't have to sit on the sideline or sit in that negative circle of like woes me. My life is so bad. Right. And I don't think anyone listening to this podcast is there. So
[00:36:14] Julie Michelson: No. And I think we, we have moments, right? We all have moments. But I'm a straight shooter too. I already mentioned I'm from New Jersey. I have no filter.
[00:36:23] Monica Cox: Yeah.
[00:36:24] Julie Michelson: and I call it like, I see it. And, and some people get very comfortable in victimhood and, and, and that's not where change happens. So if you actually are looking for healing improvement, a baby fill in the blank it's okay to, to visit.
[00:36:42] We can all visit . But then you need to take a step out of that place. And, and like you said, look inward and, you know, change one thing, start with one little simple thing. And like you said, You know, maybe change who you're hanging around. [00:37:00] If, if they're encouraging that there's a Jim RO quote that I love, you know, and it it's geared toward more like entrepreneurial business, but it it's the same for health.
[00:37:10] You know, you are the five people you spend the most time with. And so you might need to. Change your community, maybe not all at once, but find those people to connect with that are a little bit further down the path than you, or like Monica is, or I am maybe a lot further,
[00:37:28] Monica Cox: Yeah. Yeah. That's so important. Because you can come back, you know, like having these community areas, you know, for a lot of people, they, they won't have anyone in their life that gets it right. Ever. and being able to pop into those communities where you can express and vent and get the knowledge and get the empowerment actually helps you survive those communities that you can't leave.
[00:37:55] Right. Like, I still have family members, like I got pregnant naturally [00:38:00] approved it. Right. Like, I've studied
[00:38:01] Julie Michelson: it works.
[00:38:02] Monica Cox: Like I have the proof and they're like, no, you know, I just don't think, you know, I think IVF taught your body how to get pregnant and I'm like, okay. Peace be with you. I, yeah. Good. You know?
[00:38:16] So just find your tribe for sure.
[00:38:21] Julie Michelson: Yeah. And like you said, I, I love that you, you know, it doesn't mean we're getting, you know, yeah. It would be amazing. we, we call that a, you know, that's a, a social detox. But we're, you know, we all have families and communities that sometimes, you know, we we've gotta just take some of them with love and.
[00:38:41] You know, get that support and connection elsewhere. And that's okay. That's okay. Well, and then we work on boundaries in coaching, so it's all perfect.
[00:38:53] Monica Cox: Yeah. All the things that we should have learned in school, basically, I feel like that's kind of the thing
[00:38:59] Julie Michelson: I think [00:39:00] the things we were innately born with.
[00:39:03] Monica Cox: yeah,
[00:39:04] Julie Michelson: That were taught out of us. Right. Like, think about like a toddler, a toddler. If he doesn't like somebody
[00:39:10] Monica Cox: right.
[00:39:11] Julie Michelson: they don't wanna be, they they're very clear, like I don't wanna play with him or her or you, or, you know and then we're told, oh, that's not play you.
[00:39:20] Can't, you know, you can't respect your own boundaries. And so, yeah, it's all part of the healing and learning as adults. What, what, you know, we knew. Before,
[00:39:31] Monica Cox: yeah. Right.
[00:39:34] Julie Michelson: I love that. Well, you've given us already so many amazing tips and places where people could, could start, but I'm gonna ask cuz I, you know, listeners know at the end I always ask and sometimes they get an additional one or you're gonna highlight one you've already said, but what is that one step that listeners can take starting today to start to improve?
[00:39:59] Monica Cox: [00:40:00] Yeah. So definitely the mindset is what we talked talked about before is probably the number one. To add on to that. I would say give yourself grace, right? I think a lot of us yeah, beat ourselves up over not being perfect. And this journey isn't about being perfect. It's about being consistent, learning, growing, stumbling, getting back up.
[00:40:25] And if you give yourself grace to do that, it's just a much. It's more joyful. Your journey is just more joyful instead of this kind of cluster of like ups and downs and ups and downs. Like, just look at yourself as an even plane in some. Sometimes you have to walk up and sometimes you have to walk down and that's just life and just give yourself grace, because it took you decades to get here in the first place.
[00:40:53] The good news. It's not gonna take you decades to reverse it, but it, it will take solid few years [00:41:00] commitment. Yeah. And then rearranging your lifestyle and, and UN unfortunately, I believe that autoimmune is gonna be worse than diabetes in the future. So a lot of people aren't just know that if you're, if you're doing this right now, you're an outlier.
[00:41:21] You're the, you are the frontier of like having this knowledge and that in one way and or another in the future, you are gonna be able to help someone else out.
[00:41:35] Julie Michelson: Always. It's the it's, you know, the butterfly effect, the ripple effect is beautiful. I was talking to a, a former client. Who's a friend yesterday. And she was sharing about her children and how they eat. And her youngest, you know, loves to cook and he loves to cook healthy food. And, and when we very first started working together, you know, she was that mom, like, there's no way my family's [00:42:00] going to eat this way.
[00:42:01] Right. And now, you know, her kids are. Sharing with their friends and it, we always, you know, we don't need to do this for a living to, to be. I always say that's the joy of, I love watching my clients heal and improve, but knowing that they're gonna then pay that forward and we're impacting families. And my goal, I'm guessing your goal is, is generations, right?
[00:42:27] We want this to, to be the new normal.
[00:42:33] Monica Cox: Yeah. A hundred percent it's yeah, my tagline, I suppose, is you know, helping mothers become the conscious mom. They were, you know, born to be, you know, raising that consciousness. Once you get a little bit of information, you want more. And then you see, wow, this is potentially can have a big impact on my future child.
[00:42:55] That's not even here and my grandchildren and, and it's, it's it's a lot [00:43:00] to take on, but it's very, very impactful.
[00:43:03] Julie Michelson: Well, and we're impacting all, all the future one way or another, right. So we can do it eating Twinki or we can do it by really sharing wellness. And so don't get overwhelmed. I wanna just touch on. Your, your tip of grace. It, and, and I think one thing that makes it easier for people or not easier but maybe raises awareness is I always say, you know, well, the grace, you extend to everybody else around you.
[00:43:35] Like you deserve that. That's the grace we're talking about. That's that level. And, and so, you know, if, if you're listening and you're like, I don't even know what that means. That's okay. I know we all are toughest on ourselves and not only does it make it more, the journey more joyful, but I, I think actually, you know, shortens healing [00:44:00] time and, and, you know, speeds are recovery and it it's a it's.
[00:44:06] It's the word. And we didn't rehearse this, but we clearly share approaches here. So amazing. So we, we, all of your links and, and goodies are gonna be in the show notes, but for people that love to listen on the go, and maybe aren't great at clicking through, where's the best place to find you. If they're like, oh my gosh, I need to, I need to know more about Monica.
[00:44:30] Monica Cox: Yeah. So I'm @FindingFertility everywhere, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and my website, my podcast. So yeah, just pick your guilt. Pleasure. And I will be there in a very authentic, real way. so get ready, buckle up. And yeah, just, . Yeah. It's like no holds bar. But it just like, we're here for a good time.
[00:44:59] Right. [00:45:00] And not a long time. And with fertility, you feel so time poor already. So the sooner. You get this information in a direct, you know, loving way, the sooner you're gonna be holding your baby, you know, or the sooner you're gonna feel like, well, enough to go play with your children. You know, like I always say to people, how long do you want your journey to be?
[00:45:22] It's your choice? You get to choose.
[00:45:25] Julie Michelson: Amazing. Ugh, Monica. Thank you so much. You have given us amazing gold today.
[00:45:33] Monica Cox: Yay. I'm so excited to, to share and connect. It was great.
[00:45:39] Julie Michelson: Thank you for everyone listening. Remember you can get the show notes and transcripts by visiting inspired living.show. I hope you had a great time and enjoyed this episode as much as I did. I'll see you next week.
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Monica Cox
Monica Cox is a top Holistic Functional Fertility Coach and Infertility Warrior. She's supports women in finding the root cause of their fertility issues and become the conscious mother they were born to be! She dealt with years of unexplained infertility, failed IVF's & survived several miscarriages before becoming an IVF mom & getting pregnant natural even though the doctors said there was nothing she could do to improve her situation. Author of the best-selling journal "Boost Your Embryos" and host of the highly popular podcast Finding Fertility, Monica is dedicated to inspiring women to look beyond their infertility diagnosis and take control of their health. Her signature online program, The Fertility Formula & personal Fertility Focused Coaching, has helped woman increase their chances of creating the family of their dreams.
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